25+ yr Java/JS dev
Linux novice - running Ubuntu (no windows/mac)

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Joined 5 months ago
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Cake day: October 14th, 2024

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  • I’m an atheist. I do good things because I have a conscience. I have a legacy. Being a good person feels better than being greedy and spiteful. I pity the rich—never knowing which of their friends and family are true and who would abandon them if they weren’t rich.

    I mean of course I wish I had more than I have but I have enough to be fulfilled. So why not do good things? Being kind to people is its own reward.


  • I have five kids. Three of them step and two natural. Hasn’t always been easy for them or us, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

    That being said, I’m not sure a lower birth rate isn’t a good thing. If folks don’t want kids for whatever reason, that’s fine, too. Just don’t impose those viewpoints on others.

    I do think the hard religious/trad wife/have a dozen kids thing is pretty evil, but that separate from just having kids. My oldest daughter will be having a baby this summer and I think they are only having one, and we very much support both decisions (to have one and not to have any more).








  • Maybe you’re not conscious of it but there is an element of:

    <identifies problem> -> <adds to the problem>

    It also feels like you are passive-aggressively telling everyone to just stop bitching about things you think they have no right to bitch about. You’re gate-keeping complaining, basically.

    “grocery prices” … fuck, my friend, not long ago I used to be able to feed my family on $600/mo and now I’m hovering around $1k. That’s a car payment. I get it, my son, who is 26 and lives by himself, can feed himself for $100/week because he can choose the stuff that is important to him and if he chooses to eat beans and rice for a week to save money he can. Meanwhile there are 4 of us living in this home, and my autistic daughter has food issues, which means I can’t just say, “Oh the good spaghetti sauce has gone up to $8 per jar, time to buy Prego which tastes like ass but sauces your pasta.”

    You can’t know the pain points in other peoples’ lives. I shouldn’t have to go around explaining to everyone about my autistic daughter to justify why I might complain about grocery prices, you know?

    Before you get defensive about it, as is some folks’ ways, please understand I know you probably aren’t aware you are doing it. You’re young and you have experienced just a small slice of life. Hell, youth be damned, some folks go through their whole lives that way.

    The way to deal with it isn’t to complain about it. It isn’t to judge it. It’s just to accept it, don’t engage, and move on. Maybe redirect the conversation if that’s appropriate. You aren’t asking a stupid question, you are asking a judgmental question, and you should look inward and try to stop that.

    Good luck, mate. Hope this helps in some way.



  • I don’t think DVs matter all that much. Actual interaction (comments) is much more rewarding. I think DV are more about knowing reach—who has read a comment or post to interact with it. If you get no votes and no comments you might wonder if it’s worth the effort if no one is seeing them.

    Someone else suggested not showing DV separately, but I suggest the opposite. 10 UV and 8 DV look like only 2 UV but you actually had ten people like your post. So mine are split and I only really pay attention to UV. Particularly on the occasions when I know I’m saying something unpopular and I’m going to get DV, those UV are the folks who silently agree but maybe didn’t want to take the heat for saying a thing.

    Beyond that, if folks are responding to you with comments, even insightful disagreements, IMO that’s a much more rewarding interaction.

    And lastly, maybe look at your posting habits. If this is a big problem for you, it might be worth examining if there’s something you ought to do differently.