The feeling of isolation is something that I have experienced throughout life. I can only attribute it to the norm that men should not talk about their woes, lest they be seen as weak.
My upbringing was a bit different, as my brother and I never had male role models growing up and we were never encouraged to confirm to those norms.
For me personally, the feeling of isolation occured and eventually compounded after the birth of our son. I did not cope well with the lack of sleep and the immediate loss of personal space and time. I felt like my feelings and experiences could never compare to what my wife was going through, and I had no right to complain. This led me to nearly a decade of depression, to the detriment of my wife and son both.
What has helped me over time, is the acknowledgement that my feelings and experiences are valid, and I don’t need to compare them to others.
In the mid 10s, I worked as the engineering director for a consultancy. My boss would openly brag about being able to hire women for a fraction of the cost of a man. I was so offended by this that I created a partnership with a coding academy for at-risk and underrepresented individuals just a few blocks away from our office. I made it my mission to hire as many women junior engineers as I could, just so that I could train them up and find them better paying jobs elsewhere.
Women engineers are out there, and I hope I’ve made the dating pool just a little bigger for you.