Apathy Tree

No silly that’s brawndo! Gatorade just isn’t there yet you see.

All cats.

If it was my old boy, omg I’d love to have 100 versions of him, but the test would be if I sat down, the cat immediately on my lap is probably him, but to be sure I’d bring in some random stranger and sit them down and see if the same cat goes to them immediately. He was the absolute friendliest cat on the face of the earth, even thought the mailman was there for him!

As for the girl I had at the same time, I’d put down wet food aplenty, and then put a pizza box in the very middle of the table with ham in it and see which one could, and wanted to, get it open. She fucking loved pork for whatever reason, and she was smart enough to understand that knocking a food box off the table would get it open very nicely. I lost a lot of leftovers to that bitch.

My current cats… they would yell at me and disappear. So no idea. I’d probably put my quail cage in the room and see which ones don’t give a shit about the birds. That’s probably a good clue. Tho the fact that they would be fighting everyone would also be a good clue, that would not be a happy time. They can’t even stand small wildlife by the door…

True, but I kept two and got another 6 adopted out (two litters, I have one cat from each, and there were some losses, as these were barn cats)

And all of them turned out happy and friendly expect the ones I kept : /

As did several half siblings (there’s like 3 baby daddies in the group and 4 mamas, so the kittens were consistent across about a dozen litters - melanistic tabbies (voids with stripes) gray tabbies (gray with stripes) and regular tabbies)

Since nobody else seems inclined to share the deep darks of their life, I will.

Due to a childhood of neglect, I tend to ruin baby animals left in my care. Not because I want to, but because I’m not nurturing at all. Not even a slight tiny bit. I keep them alive and unharmed just fine, that I can do. But that’s about all I’ve got.

I’ve had a few cats that I’ve acquired as kittens and by the time they hit adulthood they hate everything. The first time I didn’t realize it was me, and I had a cranky bitch who hated everyone and everything but me… for 16 years… after the last time I know it must be me. Because cats from the same litter went to my partner and theirs are super nice and friendly, and mine… one gets so upset seeing other strange cats that she misplaces her aggression and goes after her sister until her sister pees herself running away. It fucking sucks, and I wish I was better for them.

The dog I got as a puppy was poorly socialized, as well, but I wasn’t able to keep her past the first year (pitbull in an apartment, but she was just friendly as hell, not mean or aggressive)

My quail were about ready to see me as mama, same with the chickens, even nestling in my hands to fall asleep, and now they don’t like me… (that one is probably a reach-down problem, they like me a lot better when I reach in at them instead of down from above, but still)

So except where necessary, like farm animals, I avoid getting babies. I’m sterile for this reason as well. I don’t want to pass on my fucked up neglected childhood, even to animals.

https://getchipdrop.com/

Totally completely unrelated to anything you said. Just a hookup between arborists and people who need an entire dump truck load of free wood chips unceremoniously unloaded in their driveway at a random future time.

Welp.

I watched several videos in addition to those and feel both better and not, I do understand the simplified analogies in the linked stuff, and they are helpful, as were some of the related content.

I kinda sorta understand the technical stuff, sort of. I’m not in a tech field or anything…

I’m going to keep it there regardless of the negative hype because you never know when I’ll need others to do the same. Im not doing anything wrong so it’s whatever.

I’m up to 10 :)

Thanks for this!

Well I spent the time between when I posted and when you replied looking into various things related to tor, legality, and snowflake more specifically, as well as a bit after your reply since you gave me a couple extra things to look into… (like if there’s a risk of running alongside self-host software like Plex and jellyfin, I didn’t find anything about it so I sort of assume it’s fine…?)…

I didn’t see anything overly bad other than if you yourself use tor, maybe, so took the plunge and… have had a whole two connections already, so yay, I’m a snowflake!

I feel slightly better about myself, like when I started using BOINC crowdsource computing for research in the early noughties. :)

I’m willing to do this but frankly tor intimidates me big time. I don’t know anything about it other than……. Yep that’s it.

I read through the mastodon post, and the project page, and cumulatively I didn’t get any answers that, like, make me feel better.

I assume this is a dark web node sort of thing? Is it safe for me to run the browser extension (idk shit about docker and don’t really want to learn rn), like I’m not putting a target on myself or anything? If yes to question 1, but no to question 2, what does put a target?

Cheese and beer. No contest. Everyone would.

Need to throw in some viral stupidity like licking toilet seats and tampering with food and stuff.

In some English dialects, we have a middle distance indicator for those sort of… ambiguous distances.

We have:

This here

That there

And we have “just over there”.

If someone said the third option, you’d know it wasn’t far by the use of “just”, but also not close enough to count as here, even if it’s not technically formal language.

Some dialects also have an additional category to indicate things so far you can’t see them, like “over yonder”

Thing is, that isn’t fun for everyone. Especially with activities chosen for you, it could be quite the opposite of fun. I’ve been subjected to “mandatory fun days” many times, and all of them have sucked hard for at least one person there (not always me, but they are always a massive waste of time for me).

I don’t actually want to be friends with my coworkers (friendly, yes; friends, no); it’s nice to have totally separate groups. No drama bleed, and people leave me alone so I can get my work done. Most jobs I’ve had, I don’t like my coworkers enough to be around them outside of job tasks, and I don’t have to. We are there to work, we didn’t choose the people we work with, and I’m not interested in using my job to replace my social life, especially since I typically have vanishingly little in common with the people with whom I work. We talk professionally about work stuff and that’s it.

Plus the work doesn’t vanish on this “day off”. It just means you have more to do the next day like any other day off, but you didn’t even get to do your own thing to cause that extra workload. Hard pass.

I use the great fairy fountain from old school Zelda (ocarina of time specifically) as my wake up alarm, as it’s very peaceful to wake to. But still nerdy. It went with Navi going “hey listen!” Every time I got a text ;)

Mostly I use my watch alarm tho, which is vibration that starts gentle and gets stronger, and that’s plenty.

If I get shocked awake I have a panic attack. I try to avoid that.

I have a washcloth I got when I was like 6… I’m almost 40. It’s a really nice mesh washcloth and somehow it only has one extra hole that shouldn’t be there, as well as a seam for the edging that needs to be fixed.

I’ve used it almost daily for my face that whole time.

But the oldest thing I have that I sort of technically use is a wheelchair from WWI. It functions as a chair in my living room. I don’t really think it counts, being furniture, though.

That tracks.

I’ve been getting Botox for migraines for over a decade and I mentioned to my neurologist how this seems to have impacted my personality. He was unsurprised.

When your face does things without your input, you might find yourself feeling angry or sad or something, and not actually know why. We have some pretty good mirror neurons that make us share physical signals with other people, and we take on their emotional state sometimes as a result.

13-some years ago I started getting Botox for migraines, and my neurologist is…. Thorough. He likes doing a bit extra for cosmetic reasons… not with me; I actively decline cosmetic injections, even when he asks about my lopsided expressions (nah dude, that’s just how I use my face -lopsided- and I genuinely like those use lines; they tell you who I am. I’m not trying to look young forever as my body degrades around me…). I need some of my expressions, like anger and confusion…

But I noticed after my deep forehead wrinkles faded (when I was 25… so not normal age stuff) that I’m just calmer in general without the full range of expressions. I don’t get flustered the way I used to. It’s like paralyzing my facial muscles dulled my response to things that would normally elicit a strong emotional response.

This is obviously anecdotal, but it really convinces me that emotions are as much about bodily response as actual response.

That’s why I’m careful, but there have been times I’ve swung it too far when the adjustment slips, so… very quick path from totally fine to felony.

I use a green laser pointer to sight my telescope…

I’m careful there’s no planes or anything but all the same.

When I get decent sleep, I often lucid dream. I didn’t really practice, I’m just usually aware that I’m dreaming (maybe because I’m on drugs to suppress nightmares, so I’m just really aware of dreams).

I have a dream town I frequent, it’s… usually interestingly mundane though. I don’t need excitement often, just things I can’t do in real life, like taking stuff I want (collectibles!!), playing free at the arcade, eating free in fancy places, drinking free in the nice socializing bar, breathing underwater or flying sometimes if it fits the exploration…

It’s a really consistent sort of place that just grows over time, as more places are added and incorporated as welcoming spaces to explore. There’s even a glass water garden/aquarium/pool that reminds me of some final fantasy shit. And recently a massive underground transit structure was added on that has high-speed shuttles to different large attractions, and a whole new residential tower (for some reason I have a room on the 4th floor, it might be a college dorm), so that was an excellent confusing dream to have for several days.

There’s a house in it that’s sort of my landing pad. A mix of a lot of places I’ve lived or been that just keeps growing over time. It’s got dozens of spaces to explore that mix in things I want and things I know, and just some creepy huge empty spaces that will probably get filled in later but are just full of weird junk I haven’t unpacked at the moment.

I like to just explore the town and surrounding areas, and do things with random people. I don’t really do that in life anymore, so. I’d love to build it in VR but I have no idea how to do that. It seems perfectly suited for it.

I used to get a lot of false awakenings when I pushed too hard to control the story or environment, and I found those to be wildly unpleasant (nightmare reasons), so I don’t exert much control now. I can, but it’s more fun to go with the fantastical and let the adventure play out, fully aware that this new space I’m dreaming about is going to be a recurring space I can explore again in different ways later.

It’s spiders Georg!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spiders_Georg