If it’s a legitimate trap, I’ll start by escaping the house via the most expedient means, destructively if necessary.

Once in the maze I’ll utilize the right-hand rule (or left-hand, it literally doesn’t matter as long as you’re consistent about it) to find the exit. If no exit is able to be located, I’ll switch to an effort to find the beans to create an exit, or otherwise forcible escape the labyrinth’s perimeter.

Hypothesis: Conservatives will refuse to believe contradicting facts regardless of punishment.

Experiment: Use increasingly painful stimulus for negative reinforcement when subjects espouse harmful views, ie racism.

Okay, humorously…

Eating pizza with a fork. If you’re afraid of hot grease burning a trail down your arm, you don’t deserve to enjoy good pizza.

Reasonable exceptions for children and the disabled can be made.

But if you put ranch on it you should be thrown in Guantanamo Bay.

For the meme, probably.

Ranch on a pizza is fuckin heresy, you monster.

That’s because they didn’t go to Paris to experience Paris. They went to Paris so they could brag to everyone back home that they went to Paris, and then use that to reinforce their superiority complex.

I’m other words, they’re useless assholes.

That would explain the goddamn fork.

If you’re putting Ranch on your pizza then you deserve your suffering.

It’s consistent within their own headcannon. If you believe the world will end in 10 years, you’re going to do things to prepare for that short term timeline to ensure your own survival, place in the afterlife, standard of living, or whatever. Although if there is an afterlife, these assholes ain’t going to the good one lol.

They have zero interest in long-term planning and helping others. Well, Elon might have some, the way he’s Nazi-tier obsessed with reproduction quality and quantity.

But in their minds, why bother taking care of Earth when it’ll be ashes one way or another within their lifetimes? It’s sociopathic and cruel, but they’re so detached that they can’t even comprehend how disconnected they actually are.

Chick-fill-A and Hobby Lobby are part of the same asshole Christian subspecies, do crazy shit like stealing/buying stolen artifacts, and being super anti-gay and anti-trans.

Oh and Chick-fil-A’s did is trash. I tried it before I learned the company sucked, not long after it first moved into Chicagoland. Not only is the chicken bland AF - including the “spicy” chicken - but they managed to somehow make waffle fries taste bleh. How the hell do you even fuck up waffle fries? I can’t understand how these assholes stay in business in the area with chicken that’s worse than what I can get at Burger King, much less any of a million small local places and chains.

POV, you’re a hard working mechanic and you’re dog calls you “Crotch Funk McGreasyclothes.” But you don’t speak dog, so all you know is that they love to stick their snoot in your crotch the second you sit down after getting home from work.

I read a series of HFY stories that showed the human and a some dogs (all abductees) getting telecommunication brain chips, and they absolutely did. They called humans “name-givers” and took pride in their many names and nicknames as bestowed by their particular name-give friends and family.

Not punctuation, but sartalics. It’s italics format but slanted the other direction. Somebody invented it then made it a funny you have to pay for like a jackass instead of working to make it a formating option to there with bold, underline, and italics.

It’s intended to be used for sarcasm, as the name implies.

Barring that, a punctuation mark for sarcasm works be nice.

You can try my method: therapy, medication, and counting the days until I die from heart disease.

Shit I live inside the US and I barely consider it a democracy.

You’d be amazed how much bathing some people manage to do with just a sink.

Some holes are bigger than others.

No there’s really people that stupid. It’s tragic.

Define long form? Under an hour is about all I can take.

Most people don’t need to worry about the NSA listening to them write down stuff.