Straight to jail, right away

Nope. Whenever the screen on my phone breaks it’s because it fell on the corner and a screen protector wouldn’t have saved me. I don’t have any noticeable scratches so I’m not worried about that

Do you mean to tell me you’re just trying to have fun when you play games?

Which game is your favorite, who is your favorite character, and do you only know their longest combo?

You speak such good Merican that I’m going to trust you with our nuclear codes

Subsidies on consumer goods. You do not want to be in Bolivia right now.

We are normal, it’s the others who are weird

We’re always fighting the last war. Take their input seriously but also understand that the world you live in is different from the one they grew up in. They’re trying to teach you how to stay safe under a dictatorship, they don’t want your life to be ruined because you got mad about a thing once in college.

No video games? You used too be a real nerd, man, now you’re just another normie!

Including oaths of office? Politicians would be miserable

Hexagons are bestagons

I got a real Nigerian scam letter once, by lettermail. I was so proud of it, I showed it to people.

Locked in a dumpster in Mexico, I guess

I won’t let people forget about your ratio

This is a fairly common thing people actually do. I always have earplugs and a sleep mask in my bag when I’m traveling.

It’s not my job to educate you

It’s actually pretty believable as a Mazda

I actually love apartments, but nice big ones. I love having a gym and pool that I don’t have to personally maintain, I love being up high and having a good view and a nice breeze on the balcony, and being walking distance to the metro. A detached house obviously beats the pants off a small, dark, poorly ventilated apartment with no amenities, which is probably why they cost 10X as much.

My distinctions are real, yours are just lines on a map

No, god, please, no