• 0 Posts
  • 19 Comments
Joined 3 years ago
Cake day: June 19th, 2023
  • littlewonder@lemmy.worldtoAsk Lemmy@lemmy.world•I avoid approaching women in public because I believe it's inappropriate. My parents say that it's a necessary skill. Who is right?
    1·
    1 year ago

    It’s ok to take up space. You don’t have to become invisible in order to be around people. Assume others know they’ll be around people in public and that they’re comparing you against the assholes on the subway or the screaming, entitled weirdo who is harassing employees. Since I get the impression you don’t act like that, no one is paying much mind to what you’re doing.

    Not to pathologize everything, but I’ve found a lot of help in therapy to deal with past experiences, hang ups I’ve had that I didn’t understand, and things I didn’t like that I couldn’t unlearn on my own. Maybe that’s something that could help you be more content in your interactions with people?

    My advice on effective therapy: There are bad therapists out there. Find a therapist you click with. There’s evidence that shows the relationship you have with your therapist is the highest indicator of success. So if you don’t jive with them during the first contact (sometimes that’s a phone call to ask questions before committing, sometimes it’s the first session), find another therapist.

  • littlewonder@lemmy.worldtoAsk Lemmy@lemmy.world•I avoid approaching women in public because I believe it's inappropriate. My parents say that it's a necessary skill. Who is right?
    3·
    1 year ago

    The amount of times I’ve been in a pleasant conversation with a dude and when it becomes apparent I’m not available, they just immediately stop talking to me. Like… what? It’s abrupt, obvious, and super shitty to do to someone. And for the readers making assumptions about the scenarios–this wasn’t in a bar or a social event. It’s just random places in public where two people might make small talk.

    I hope everyone takes your advice. Just talk to people to talk to people, without a transactional goal. Worst case scenario, you practice your conversation skills. Best case, you meet cool people and sometimes those people might want to meet up again or start texting etc. Boom a new friend that could be a relationship if you both are into it. Or you can just collect cool friends.

    Disclaimer: This is for relationships and not just people to fuck. Go to places where other people are looking for that if you want to speed run fucking (bars, clubs, mixers, anime cons, etc.), which is totally fine.

  • littlewonder@lemmy.worldtoAsk Lemmy@lemmy.world•Moved A Few Things into New Affordable Room. Woke up to Bedbug. Should I stay or leave?
    2·
    1 year ago

    I had these once. It was psychologically terrible. If you already struggle with sleep or mental health, you’re going to have a very bad time living there while you treat the place.

    I saw some good advice in the comments as far as diatomaceous earth and freezing. Make sure you look up the actual temps things will need to get to. I recall baking my clothing in my oven at 110 F, or something like that, before leaving the apartment every day so I wouldn’t spread them. Ugh.

    I ended up throwing out most of my stuff, bagging up anything I wanted to keep but didn’t need to access for ~6 months (or whatever their lifespan is) into tightly tied garbage bags with diatomaceous earth inside, and for the remaining possessions, I heated them or sprayed the shit out of their cracks (like wood furniture) with bedbug spray.

    Just assume your stuff is infested and treat anything that was in there with you. Don’t fuck around. Go full nuclear on your shit after you move out. It’s the only way you’ll be able to sleep soundly for years.

    Best of luck to you. I really hope your living situation gets better. I think I saw your fallback option was loud. I sleep with an earbud in whichever ear isn’t smooshed into my pillow. I also recommend those white noise machines that have an actual fan inside (or just a loud-ass fan lol). Even if it doesn’t drown out all the noise, it’ll cut out a lot and it’ll be easier for your brain to tune out stuff. Maybe that’s something you can try.