How else will I print out MapQuest directions?

I like it. It gives me a nice way to give my kids little gifts that don’t take up much space. If I had to pick specific ones it wouldn’t work as well.

With that said, I do use an app to make sure they’re not getting duplicates.

I called their customer support, and a person answered. Like, right away. I was caught completely off guard. They resolved my issue in under a minute.

It’s clearly chocolate cake, pineapple, and carrot.

When my daughter was born, I was blown away to find that my company offered 16 weeks paternity leave. A couple of weeks before my wife was due, I was talking to a coworker and found that his wife was also pregnant, but he didn’t know about our company’s parental leave policy. He had only been planning to take a couple of weeks. After we talked I found out he took the whole thing.

That four months was one of the greatest times of my life, getting to know my newborn daughter.

Three years later I was in a different job when my son was born. They offered three days. Six months later I found a new job, and I took an extra month off during the transition, just so I could spend every day with my son.

I don’t regret any of that. I can’t even imagine what that would feel like. I love my children and love being a dad. This is life. This is all we get.

Oh shit. Drawing a line is a really good idea.

A fake Christmas tree would be pretty confusing. Or even tree stands for a real tree. Even if you figure out it’s for a tree, what purpose could that tree serve?

As a Millennial, I’m confused why you wouldn’t use the correct White Ninja meme on the left.

What do you mean “spit out”? Is it being put into a new open workbook, an existing open workbook, or is it being saved as a file?

And I don’t mean to suggest I know better than the person actually dealing with the situation (I hate when people do that), but if you can do it manually, it can be automated.

There is definitely a way to automate that process. Even if you can’t somehow sanitize the input before Excel reads it as dates, unfucking the data can definitely be reduced to a single button-push. I’ve based my entire career on my ability to do that.

Last time I made it, I fried the bread in a little bacon grease.

The point is that you don’t want the bread to distract you from the core ingredients. Bacon and cream cheese are magical, the way they complement each other.

Peanut butter and jelly, of course.

I was having lunch in the break room once, and a wise old man came in and asked me what I was eating.

“Peanut butter and jelly,” I said.

“I think that’s the best sandwich they ever did come up with,” he replied, then walked away.

I think about that a lot.

Bacon and cream cheese sandwich on white bread.

It’s the second greatest sandwich ever.

When I go to a restaurant, I don’t read the whole menu anymore. As soon as I find something I’d like, I stop reading and order it. Occasionally my wife will point out something on the next page that she thinks I’d like more, but I don’t do it myself.

It’s made my dining experience so much better over the years. I don’t stress about the food I’d rather eat and just enjoy what’s in front of me.

It works because in that situation, like many situations, there’s more than one right answer. If I get the omelette, I’ll be happy. If I get the pancakes, I’ll be happy. If I get the omelette while I’m thinking about the pancakes (or vice versa), that’s the only wrong answer.

So that’s something I like to remind myself of. Sometimes you’re stressing yourself out between two right answers, so it’s ok to just pick one and run with it.

You got my hopes up. All I want is a keyboard that has swiping and doesn’t ever auto-insert spaces. Unfortunately this ain’t it.

Not exactly this, but it reminds me of my first job. I used to work in finance, and I was given the task of automating cash flow reports that were sent out to hundreds of clients.

The problem was that they were made manually in Excel, and most of them were unique. So every couple years they’d get a bunch of smart people in a conference room, and tell them to figure out how to automate the cash flows. The first step was always to create a standard cash flow template, and convince everyone to adopt it.

Some users would adopt the new template, but most of them would say that the client didn’t like it, so they’d stop using it and the project would fall apart.

By the time I got there, there were still hundreds of unique cash flows, but then there were a few dozen that shared the same handful of templates, like a graveyard of failed attempts to automate this process.

I just made the output customizable. The reports looked the same as what the client was used to, but it saved hundreds of man hours for the users. A lot of people got laid off.

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Just watched the episode of Hit Monkey where a character does literally this.