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maybe multiple mail clients are configured to connect to a local server in an office while that server is configured to outside world and also fetches each mail only once. changing of outisde world provider then does not make you reconfigure all mail clients, but only your central once.
i guess step by step was asked for on purpose, but i also don’t know on what level ;-)
i’ld suggest as step by step to start small and increase to what you want:
spf,dkim and dmarc are good to prevent malicious parties from sending emails in your name to third parties. a mail server works good without that but it is a good practice and might prevent your domain (not your ip) from beeing blacklisted because of spam that you haven’t sent but seems to originate from your domain and cannot be distinguished from your genuine emails only due to the lack of missing spf, dkim and dmarc records. spf and dmarc are dns only settings while dkim are crypto keys you create for signing outgoing emails and the public parts of them are published as dns records again so everyone can check that the signature really comes from your domain. i dont know if or how mailcow supports dkim, but it should be at least possible ;-)
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hm, sounds like literally any regular webhosting service that also offers email (like every such service i know of) to me, then maybe used together with imap (or pop, if you wish), and if you want to connect servers with it to send mails, then “smarthost” or “sattelite system” should be the configuration you are looking for for your own MTA. to get received emails from that service most common is to use pop3 (still common because seemingly every service offers it for compatibility) but other protocols would be faster like immediate recieve using notify within imap, and there are other options too, but those depends on what that service offers like maybe sending your mails once received by them to your own server via smtp or by other protocols depending on what they implemented. i think there is no “twist” with that and -what i understand of what you want - is a quite common thing.
i for myself don’t want 3rd parties to be able to directly read my emails so i run my own mail server as tiny rented VMs from providers while my real emailserver is my homeserver that uses these VMs as “smarthost” and also pulls emails from there immediately. my mailclients are configured to connect to those VMs butbthat connection is relayed through VPN to my homeserver. thus i think my setup is a bit like what you want but i host everything by myself and i don’t use mailcow but it looks like i use the same software mailcow uses too. i guess you are mainly bound to what mailcow offers when limiting yourself to it ;-)
have you read it? i considered buying it a while ago but was unsure, quite high price for an ebook that you cannot glimpse into (like with real books at the store some time ago) i thought. Also i learned a “bit” about most of its topics myself long ago.
tricky yes, but very learnable too.