Get the fuck out! I am not making you a cottage cheese pastrami sandwich on banana bread! That would severely damage my reputation.

Did you know there’s a direct correlation between the rise of violent crime and the decline of spirograph use? Think about it.

Unfortunately I’m on the other side of the country. I’ve got tickets to see them in my city, but it’s at a shit venue.

Tossup between Streetlight Manifesto and Propagandhi.

Streetlight I’ve probably seen 9 or 10 times. Every single one is one of the best shows I’ve ever been to. Their live shows are the perfect mix of energy and technicality. They are just as precise as their studio albums, but adding the intensity of live music and a venue completely packed with people who are super into it.

Propagandhi I’ve only seen once, but it was fucking intense. Every song was balls-to-the-wall power. I got kicked in the teeth so fucking hard I thought I lost one, but didn’t care. I was supposed to see them again last year, but the frontman got Covid the night before the show. I was supposed to see them in a couple weeks, but they canceled their American tour on account of all the Nazi shit happening here. Now I’m seriously thinking about paying an exorbitant amount of money to go see them in Canada.

I used to keep mine in my back pocket, then I noticed that my leg would go numb during long drives. Kinda put two and two together and started keeping it in the front pocket.

Dammit, not like that!

A can of beer and a beer kozie. If that counts as one, gimme another can of beer.

I dunno. My favorite punk band just canceled their American tour…

What’s black and white and red all over?

I call it The Subtle Art of Shutting the Fuck Up.

Are they going to make it funny again? Or will it be as exhausting as season 3?

Beer is arguably the foundation of human society. Grain (and the harvesting of it) is a building block of civilization, and beer is inextricably linked to that.

Right. I’m not gonna drink a cup of it, but I fucking love vinegar in a balanced flavor pallette. Hell, maybe even a bit unbalanced. The other day we had a hazmat spill at work and used vinegar to neutralize it. Smelled so goddamn good I had to make buffalo chicken for dinner.

Metalheads. The nicest people in the world cosplaying as the toughest.

Mmmm. Don’t forget the Sriracha.

Don’t do the Nazis’ job for them.

Even writing in the dirt on a new car can fuck up the clear coat.

There was a dude in Seattle who went by Phoenix Jones. He fashioned himself a masked vigilante, roaming the streets saving people from muggings and assaults.

Turns out he was mostly just picking fights with drunk frat guys. And we’re pretty sure he was dealing drugs and using the superhero facade to beat up his competition.

Imma let you finish, but Neo had the best ‘died and resurrected for our sins’ arc of all time.

Honk.