• 6 Posts
  • 234 Comments
Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: July 16th, 2023

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  • My mom died when I was in middle school. She was the taskmaster parent and my dad treated me basically like a roommate, so I was way more independent in high school and beyond than I would have been if she had lived. I see the ghost of the timeline in which things were different. I think that happens for any huge changes in life.

    I’m an immigrant in Germany and moved here about a decade after I studied abroad here. I don’t think I would have been allowed/able to study abroad, especially under the circumstances (I failed German, after getting a 95 and a 98 on the midterm and final, respectively, because I didn’t do the homework), so I don’t think I would have been able to come here and become a German as a second language teacher without prior immersion. My life would look very different, and I’d probably be leaning into my Spanish a lot more to try to emigrate to a Spanish speaking country, if I were even thinking about leaving.

    My mom was a republican, but I don’t know if she would have followed my dad down the Fox News wormhole or if she would have pulled him out of it. I think if she snapped out of it, but couldn’t snap him out of the maga hypnosis, she might have left him, which would probably have set my dad on a very unpleasant path.


  • I’m sorry you’re going through that. My mom died over twenty years ago, when I was twelve (so I didn’t have any estate management responsibilities), and it’s sometimes difficult to deal with wanting to ask her advice or wanting to have a person whose first priority was me, irrespective of our relationship (I know not all mothers are like that, but mine was, and my much older sisters and their friends agree, so it’s not just kid-glasses. They also readily share unpleasant aspects of her personality, so it’s also not a wariness to speak ill of the dead).

    It does get easier, and you learn to depend on yourself, any siblings or old friends who remember her and other supportive friends who have been through similar situations.




  • but I’m a stickler for enthusiasm at all stages. I have standards about consent that should be normal for everyone, everywhere, always, and the fact that they aren’t is really fucked up.

    FTFY. It feels weird to thank you for something that really should be the norm, but it’s really nice to see it written out clearly for everyone to see.

    Before anyone starts complaining about their poor kinks that they just can’t help: I’m into CNC and TPE, and they are both incomparably better experiences for everyone involved when everyone continuously enthusiastically consents. You (may) just need to add a layer of obfuscation, depending on the scene, but that’s easily managed through the traffic light system or safe words/signs.




  • Yeah, most people have to occasionally hurt others, though I’m not sure how they feel about it.

    I believe that some people cannot coexist with others without being hurt (eg. imprisoned), but I don’t relish the thought, especially not in the context of war. If I could choose, I’d institute a gift-based Potlach system (but I have no real enforcement mechanism without violence, so…).

    To be clear, I’m not being judgmental about this, I don’t think anyone should be judged for their thoughts, I just don’t have those thoughts.


  • Hey, this is also not a personal attack. I don’t know if I’m the outlier here or not, but I figured I’d mention it and others can weigh in.

    I don’t get the urge to hurt people, not that I don’t hurt people, but it’s unintentional or uncomfortable for me. I get the urge to prove people wrong, but I only feel dread when I need to hurt people (not harm them, but I’m a teacher, so I have to have tough conversations with students sometimes).

    If you get the urge to hurt people, vote this comment down, if you don’t, vote it up.









  • That or I’m cherry picking :P

    The most important thing about the fae for me is first: they’re likely to try and blend in poorly as a person; but also untrustworthy in a demon/fine print way; entrancing; subject to their own (unknown) rules; dangerous to give your true name to; and dangerous to accept gifts from. The rest of them aren’t inapplicable to modern ai, but they’re not as easy to explain, I guess.

    Do you have different associations with the fae when I list them all out?