I find confrontation pretty difficult, and I force myself to be direct and assertive about my needs and wants with my husband, because he deserves it. A common mistake I made in previous relationships was bottling up things I didn’t like, but that leads to resentment every time. I understand the value of communicating openly with him, even if it feels like I’m not being “chill” enough and he is receptive to it, but it doesn’t mean it’s not hard.

My husband has a similar problem with talking about his preferences, because he was always taught that they’re secondary to his partner’s. He finds it difficult to tell me that he wants to spend time on solo activities, but I encourage him to practice his hobbies. Even though he knows I’m happy for him to decompress however works for him and to engage in the things that bring him joy, he still struggles against himself to do it, for us.

I make decisions differently because of our marriage (I have pretty significant executive dysfunction, so these might not sound like struggles to others, but they certainly have been for me)- where I previously might have just eaten lentils in a lean month, I now push myself to work more to support us. Where I used to write papers in a 48 hour frantic dash, now I start earlier and make sure I can allot breaks for meals with him and a regular sleep schedule (we live in basically a studio apartment, so keeping the computer on makes it hard for him to sleep). Where I would have left laundry hanging on the drying rack basically until I wore it again, I now force myself to put it away as soon as it’s dry (again because of the space issue).

I don’t think the marriage certificate itself caused these changes, but knowing that we’re in it for the long haul changed how I think about my relationship with my husband. I realized that I needed to work on myself to become the partner he deserves, but other people might be able to get to that mindset without the permanence of marriage. I just wasn’t and didn’t realize it until it changed.

Each of those changes is a positive one imo, even without considering their effects on our marriage, and we’re both improved for having married each other. That’s not even addressing the joy of being able to fully relax with the knowledge that your partner loves, accepts, and supports you, and will stay with you, even if things get difficult.

People are talking about how smartphones didn’t have those features at first, but I just carried around a 2 language dictionary when I was traveling before cellphones were a thing. I’m not sure if they’re exactly the same everywhere, but I also always found reading an atlas/map to transfer pretty easily from one country to another (across North America and Europe, so there could be much greater variation in the world than I saw).

It sounds harder and it was, but only a little. You already knew how to read maps and at least you didn’t have to worry about a battery.

You love to see an Octavia Butler reference

I’m interested in etymology and grammar, so I would have been on the bleeding edge of social science, but yes

We’ve got friends who are about to have their second kid, and they’re going a little nuts because they want to socialize a lot more than they are, but can only hang out at like 10:30 am.

I asked them why they don’t just make friends with other parents in the area (they moved to a kid friendly neighborhood with a bunch of young families), and they kind of made a face and didn’t answer.

But like, why not? It seems like the perfect topic to bond over and you can watch the kids together, giving you plenty of time to hang out.

Good management is just good people skills. If you don’t have them, intentionally defanging your speech/correspondence helps prevent blowups. Unfortunately for people working under managers with bad people skills, this doesn’t actually make up for and mostly just highlights their managers’ deficits.

Tl;dr: management speak is intentionally harmless in and of itself, but is an obvious symptom of bad management.

I’m pretty sure it’s The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker, here’s an excerpt with the kangaroo story.

Butler, who was an admirer of Adolf Hitler and Wisconsin Senator Joseph McCarthy

It’s always nice when you don’t have to feel mixed emotions about someone

Now you just sound like you’re from Delaware

I used to work in chemical exposure insurance and to be honest, it would be very difficult to tell because of the increased risk of cancer from chemicals used in the growing process as it is. Most of the countries that have banana plantations can’t really defend their citizens against huge fruit companies, so if something has been declared illegal in Hawaii, they just use it in their other plantations, and of course the US is dismantling the EPA and NLRB, so soon they might not even be illegal there anymore. Organic fruit is not significantly different, because there are lots of things that are allowed for them that are still carcinogenic to humans in large concentrations.

I’m really sorry to be a downer, but sometimes the world sucks, and pineapple and banana companies suck even more.

Yeah, but you tell different types of stories. The robot knows it’s supposed to respond emotionally, but doesn’t know in what direction.

Well, it’s more often biased against them, and with fewer resources, they’re more affected by it.

Both from good omens, I think

I don’t even believe in free will, I can’t talk shit to anyone

Regarding the first point, this is what he said, emphasis mine:

I want to be clear on where I stand. I believe both Nicolas Maduro and Miguel Diaz-Canel are dictators. Their administrations have stifled free and fair elections, jailed political opponents, and suppressed the free and fair press. And yet, our federal government’s long history of punitive policies toward both countries, including extrajudicial killings of Venezuelans and the continuation of a decades long blockade of Cuba, have only worsened these conditions. Democratic socialism is about dignity, justice and accountability. And above all, it’s about building a democracy that works for working people, not one that preys on them."

It feels misleading to call someone’s statement denouncing the blockade as an effective endorsement of it. Did I miss him saying something else?

I was at a regional magnet school, so I probably would have gone to my town’s middle school.

I honestly don’t know what happens if you get kicked out of that- maybe you go to a neighboring town’s school, or maybe there are other schools for kids that get expelled, but the government still has an obligation to educate you until a certain age, so you don’t just stop going to school (unless you’re in juvenile detention, at which point you probably have a teacher on premises).

I forgot to take my adhd medication as a twelve year old and my mom gave it to me as I ran out the door. I put it in my pocket, forgot about it until later, and then nearly got expelled for trying to sell drugs [edit: because it fell out of my pocket] because of a zero tolerance policy.

I say nearly, because I’m white with educated parents and a sympathetic situation, so obviously the zero tolerance policy learned a little tolerance.

Bagels (though now I make my own), fruit/veg, and Mexican food.

I moved to Germany from the USA and I now teach German to immigrants. The most universal experience for immigrants to Germany from warmer countries is the slow resignation not to even try peaches, corn, berries, or avocado (it’s reasonable based on geography, just still sad). I was astounded when my husband said he didn’t like peaches, but then I tried a German peach. They’re woody, flavorless, and expensive.

Didn’t you just post a question asking about this and everyone answered either neutrally or with the smart cat?

People can be ignorant and even sexist without being manosphere. Neither of those strikes me as super Joe Rogan or Ben Shapiro-ey.

But yeah, we’re living in two separate worlds, and when a person ignores what half of us experience, it’s no different from a white person saying that black people just need to be polite to the police, the way they are. (As a teenager, I was regrettably that white person. But I’ve grown, and so can others in that situation)