Here’s the concept: instead of things you want to do before you die (AKA the Bucket List), I’m thinking about creating a Fuck It List, of things I want to never have to do again.
If you were doing so, what would you put on your list.
I was hanging out with a retired former coworker last weekend, and she got in my head. I have at least 11 years to go, assuming I’m able to retire, so it’s not realistic now. But what is life without hopes and dreams?
So far, all I have on the list is:
Having time for a quick chat with my manager.
I will rejoice when I don’t have to do that again.
Never get into a traditional relationship. I’ve been in twenty four of them in my life and while I have had enjoyed feeling exclusive, feeling purpose and belonging. People don’t often talk about the negatives of being in one.
Like, I’ve been in relationships where I was the only one working and the other didn’t even try looking for work. There was little room for co-autonomy, where you have to feel like a part of you is pre-determined and predictable to make a relationship meet the compromises. I’ve had been in relationships where it felt one-sided.
And yeah it all could’ve been a matter of just winding up with the wrong partners, which is true. But it’s exhausting finding the right person and I just can’t simply be bothered. What I am up for, is finding partners I could just get close enough to but without the traditional nonsense. People who you could say are worth your time bonding with and they think you’re worth their time bonding with and we can have the intimacy/affection as bonuses.
It’s kinda like being at that line where it is like a relationship, but isn’t at the same time. I think at my current stage in life, that’s what I’d like to have. I don’t want to ever again worry about who wants me to spend my money and how. I don’t want to partake in drama where who I’m with gets back in touch with that long lost friend to find - oh - they’re in love with eachother and want to be back together. Not like I’d know since that exact thing has happened a few times.
And I can do without marrying, I just don’t think my life’s design has marriage in the cards.
Im with you there, but not in a sad bleak way. I love my wife more than anything, but its a lot of work. Right down to the little things like putting my clothes on every day and listening to her vent about her work and shit like that.
If this all blows up in my stupid face and I wind up alone again, I’m just going to stay alone.
I am in a different position than you with a completely different experience. My wife and I started dating when she was 15 and I was 16. We’ve been together 40 years, married for 33.
There is no good way this relationship could end, so I wouldn’t want to wonder how that might happen, but one thing I’m sure of is it is the last relationship I’ll ever be in. If I was single tomorrow, I’d stay that way. I’ve had one relationship in my life, and by any measure it is a fantastic one. Nevertheless, it is real work, and I don’t have another one in me. The thought of starting over at zero makes me weak.
I was talking to my wife about her serial monogamist Uncle, who changes wives more often than I change cars, and I was wondering how he could find the energy for all the work a relationship requires.
My wife pointed out that my premise was entirely wrong. He can find the energy because he doesn’t contribute any effort. He finds a woman dumb or desperate enough to start a relationship with him, then when she gets sick of doing everything for him, he finds a new one. Easy peasy.