I often feel like a loser. I don’t do any sports, but i’ve been wanting to get back into swimming since i used to do it as a kid and i kind of miss it, i don’t play any instruments, and there are days once every two or three weeks where i’m just home all day. I am addicted to my phone, or rather addicted to YouTube, i am watching YT videos most of my day, not even watching but often just leave them in the background and go on with my day. I have accomplished some cool stuff, like i just recently got out of morbid obesity by following a diet, i got my English C1 certification and i’m learning Spanish and Mandarin with surprisingly good results. I have been studying stuff i’m interested in, mainly politics, philosophy, and most recently I’m getting more into maths and physics. However, even tho i did achieve those things, i feel like i should do more.
I have always envied people that play instruments but never got around to do it myself (one friend of mine proposed to borrow me his old guitar, i might accept), i don’t workout currently because for the past 2 years i got a gym membership but didn’t care enough to show up consistently because it’s just boring to me, i’d like to go out more but many of my friends are always busy or just out of reach, and i live a bit far from the city so i can’t just “take a walk”, because i’d have nowhere to go and for a big portion of the road near my house there is no sidewalks at all.
I feel like i’m just making up excuses, but idk, do you know how i can stop feeling that way?
Thats a great way to word that, I’ve had this bouncing around in my head but not sure how to explain until now.
I was going to say something about how I have been figuring out recently how if I just give myself leeway and do actually spend the day playing a game or whatever then I find that later in the day I’m in a much better mood than before because I didn’t spend the whole day ruminating on the fact that I’m choosing to game over doing productive things…makes me think that I need to just spend some couple days completing doing nothing in order to reset, like a meditation day or whatever because i have apparently become so lost that I thought my default was supposed to be ruminating about not feeling ok enough to do various things even though other days when I basically mentally prep for it if an spend the whole day doing a bunch if things but not be able to fully wind down enough at the end.
I think I mentally have the right mindset but I just become lost in the weeds or whatever.
I really relate to that. I also find it really hard to give myself permission to rest and unwind. There’s a lot of guilt in there for me about not being productive enough.
I had to start working on it when I burnt out hard earlier this year though.