An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, “I’ll have a beer,” the second says “I’ll have half a beer,” the third says “I’ll have a quarter of a beer,” and, before the fourth mathematician can speak, the bartender says, “I see what’s going on here,” then pours two beers.
I dont care that its technically not a joke
Three engineers are in a bar discussing which school of engineering god belongs to, the mechanical engineer goes first;
“God’s a mechanical engineer, look at the bones and muscles and how they interact and move.” The electrical engineer is shaking his head;
“God’s an electrical engineer, look at the nervous system and how the brain is wired, that’s electrical engineering.” At this stage the civil engineer has a wide grin on his face;
“God’s a civil engineer, who else would run a waste pipe through a recreational centre?”
I haven’t got a joke, how about a tongue twister?
“When a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, there’s a packet pocket socket racket error to report.”
Hey, does the name ‘Pavlov’ ring a bell?
::: What do you get if you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber.
Nothing. You can’t cross a vector with a scaler. :::
Would you like to hear a TCP joke?
I would like to hear a TCP joke.
Here is your TCP joke.
I have received your TCP joke. *laughter*.
—-
I’d tell you a UDP joke but I’m afraid you wouldn’t get it.
I will tell you an UDP joke, but you won’t get it. I will also tell you a TCP joke, and if you won’t get it, I will repeat.
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are in a car. They get pulled over.
Heisenberg is driving, and the cop asks him, “Do you know how fast you were going?”
“No, but I know exactly where I am,” Heisenberg replies.
The cop says, “You were going 140 km/h, were only 120 is allowed”
Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts, “Great! Now I’m lost!”
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says, “Do you know you have a dead cat back here?”
“We do now, you bastard!” shouts Schrodinger.
Why do programmers confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because OCT 31 == DEC 25.
Oh wow!
A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are traveling in a train through Scotland when they see a sheep on a field. “Look! Scottish Sheep are black!” Says the biologist. “Well, at least some Scottish sheep are black” Says the physicist. The mathematician clears their throat and says “We know that there’s at least one sheep in Scotland, and that at least half of it is black”
The programmer goes “Oh no, a special case!”
I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.
IT guy here, such a classic, I absolutely love it.
My friend asked how my C programming class was going. “I’m really struggling,” I replied, “I could sure use some pointers.” He said, “int* x, int* y, int* z.”
Three perfect logicians walk into a bar.
The bartender says “Y’all want something to drink?”
The first logician thinks about it and says “I don’t know.”
The second logician thinks about it and also says “I don’t know.”
The third logician says “Yes.”Edit: aw, dang, I see deadbeef beat me to this one… by 4 hours.
You’re not the first one to post the same joke over and over. But have an upvote anyway. :)
Three logicians walk into a bar. The barman asks if they all want a beer.
The first says “I don’t know”, the second says “I don’t know”, the third says “yes”.
Also, pretty much all of Futurama.
That one took me a second, but it’s a good one
I needed it explained to me when I first heard it :-)
I probably would have got it after a few more hours of processing… I hope.
Explanation for anyone looking for one:
The bar man asked them if “they all” want a beer.
The first logician wanted one but didn’t know whether the other two wanted one each or not, so he said “I don’t know.”
The second realised that the first one wanted a beer and he himself wanted a beer but he didn’t know about the third logician, so he said “I don’t know”.
The third logician realised that both of the other logicians wanted a beer and he himself wanted a beer, so he said yes.
If any one of them didn’t want a beer they would have immediately said no since logically the answer to the barman’s question “do you all want a beer?” Would have been no.
