At one point, I was undergoing a divorce that threatened to ruin me financially and estrange me from my kids. The stress triggered an underlying previously unknown-to-me autoimmune disease (Crohn’s) that left me in wracking pain and unable to control my bowels. At the same time, my job was threatened and I had to pull 10+ hour debugging sessions. And because of contentious divorce allegations, I was getting drug tested and couldn’t even chew an edible.
It was during those months that I learned:
I cannot self-terminate. If I could, I would have.
Graduate-level science and math courses on YouTube that you are not actually getting graded on are the greatest salvation. No stress, only info that is real, challenging, and deeply meaningful.
I almost did once. I planned to overdose on Tylenol. But I threw a ‘Hail Mary’ and reported that I was suicidal.
It was enough to get me admitted and I was given, finally, an accurate diagnosis of my mental health. It took a while before the right meds and dosage were prescribed.
A part of me told me that I hadn’t yet tried everything, LOL. I’m lucky. Clinical depression is no joke. I’m glad that you can’t self-delete, bruv. Life sucks. I’m sorry about your divorce, as well.
Honestly it was when I was very ready to kill myself - got a manual with different suicide techniques and found one acceptable to me and was going to a hardware store to buy everything - that I finally checked myself into rehab. Sometimes you do need to hit rock bottom.
At one point, I was undergoing a divorce that threatened to ruin me financially and estrange me from my kids. The stress triggered an underlying previously unknown-to-me autoimmune disease (Crohn’s) that left me in wracking pain and unable to control my bowels. At the same time, my job was threatened and I had to pull 10+ hour debugging sessions. And because of contentious divorce allegations, I was getting drug tested and couldn’t even chew an edible.
It was during those months that I learned:
I almost did once. I planned to overdose on Tylenol. But I threw a ‘Hail Mary’ and reported that I was suicidal.
It was enough to get me admitted and I was given, finally, an accurate diagnosis of my mental health. It took a while before the right meds and dosage were prescribed.
A part of me told me that I hadn’t yet tried everything, LOL. I’m lucky. Clinical depression is no joke. I’m glad that you can’t self-delete, bruv. Life sucks. I’m sorry about your divorce, as well.
I have learned this too. It’s like the darkest sentence ever, lol. (Assuming you replace the middle period with a ; semicolon or dash)
But I’m proud of you and super impressed. Interested in the math and science courses if you have them to-hand
Honestly it was when I was very ready to kill myself - got a manual with different suicide techniques and found one acceptable to me and was going to a hardware store to buy everything - that I finally checked myself into rehab. Sometimes you do need to hit rock bottom.
Start with Lenny Susskind, who saved my life with The Theoretical Minimum
https://youtu.be/iJfw6lDlTuA