I don’t even know where to start.

I have known them for over 10 years, it always been very clear to me they are neurodivergent, I’ve known that from day one.

A few months ago they were given a formal diagnosis of autism. I can completely see it, I can completely understand the diagnosis, and I think it is in perfect alignment with many of this person’s characteristics.

I really do not know what the hell is going on in their mind, if the diagnosis has triggered some deep feelings or…

But the problem is this… Ever since they got the diagnosis, they have started to mimic the behaviors that are often seen in people with Down’s Syndrome. She has started to mimic the speech patterns, and tries to crunch her face and squint.

It’s just annoying as fuck. They are purposefully acting like somebody they are not. I am becoming absolutely exhausted with this behavior, especially because they have not changed as a person, they are the exact same person as prior to the diagnosis, they’ve just started acting like an idiot. (E: and I’m also getting SICK of her besmirching people with Downs by ACTING like she has the IQ of a cat)

I am at the point where I don’t want to be around them anymore, but before I limit my contact, what are some compassionate ways I can have a conversation with this person?

  • FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world
    7·
    3 hours ago

    I would say it as precisely as possible:

    "[Friend], I’ve noticed that you changed your behaviour since getting the autism diagnosis. First of all: nothing about you or how you present yourself has to change with the diagnosis. If you’re diagnosed with autism, you either always had autism, or the diagnosis is wrong - so there’s no point changing behaviour. Maybe someone picks up on the condition or maybe they ddon’t. You should not seek to make it obvious to others in this way.

    That being said, I think (edit: whether consciously or subconsciously) you are imitating your impression of disabled people, conflating several different disabilities into one. Autism does not equate to low-IQ, Down syndrome does not equate to low IQ, and autism doea not equate to down syndrome. People can have any of these three things without signalling it to the wider world, and without it being obvious."

    Friends are able to say this stuff to one another without it seeming in bad faith, because of your history together. if your friend interpreted it as an attack or complex teasing, then you give them space (I.e reduce or stop interactions for a while) and wait for it to sink in. I think the implication that you won’t want to be friends with them is there in the text, but you can specify that afterwards, or when they give their response to the initial message.

    I’ll add that i noticed a weird misunderstanding arising as consensus on some spaces of the internet about “unmasking” which annoys me and seems to entitle people into behaving badly; once people expect that they are going the go through an ‘unmasking’ period, they might subconsciously exentuate Accentuate what they see disabled behaviour as. Your friend may have had bad advice from professionals on how to behave, in this regard.