My little brother’s was both the best and the worst wedding I’ve ever been to in many ways. The mother of the bride stood up to make a speech and it was just insane. She opened with “eeee would have been giving this speech” (pointing at the bride’s stepfather), “but he’s just had a gastric band fitted”. She finished by saying how she didn’t feel she was losing a daughter, but she was gaining a friend … in (daughter’s name).

The bride’s family didn’t speak to any of us for most of the reception, there was an invisible line across the room with the two families on each side. The bride’s little brother with learning difficulties destroyed the cake by punching it repeatedly before anyone could get a piece. My family all got drunk and had a food fight during the reception. My little brother slept with someone else the night before the wedding and they separated the week after the wedding.

This was nearly 20 years ago, but we still laugh about it. God I wish someone had filmed that speech from the bride’s lunatic mother, it was amazing.

Best: distant cousins fancy wedding at a seaside place somewhere in Massachusetts. Been a while. Wedding was expensive, but not long. Reception was at a yacht club right on the ocean. So beautiful, food was fantastic, they had a wide variety of desserts, not just wedding cake, fun DJ, coffee cart with everything you could want. I was awkward 19 year old and some pretty girl wanted to dance with me which NEVER happens. Was a nice confidence lift–until dancing because I dance like a complete imbecile. Still worth it.

Worst was high school friends wedding, not long after high school graduation. They were young. Married in tired old church a mile from where we went to school (rural, poor). Was summer, no ac because poor. Reception was in bingo hall/basketball gym next door to church where we had junior high dances. Food was mad gross, came from nasty restaurant down the street. Just country slop. Tables were literally folding tables with a sheet of white paper on them and a tiny bit of confetti. No flowers, no other decorations. They did have a plastic disposable cup of mixed nuts. Cup was the size of a salsa side. My brother sat down, ate the whole thing in one mouthful so that was that. He also used the disposable cameras left (no photographer) to take a pixture of his ass. DJ was a relative who played garbage music that was just what he (in his late 50s) liked so it was ass. His setup was old and sounded like shit, did not help that the space was tile floor and cinderblock walls so it was an echoy mess. Then he got super drunk less than an hour in and left–took his shitty equipment with him. Bride is pissed (but it was her uncle) so someone found a boombox and put the bingo announcer microphone in front of it. It sounded just like you would think. I left at that point, had enough. They’re still married, she’s still a shrew, hes OK i guess but never understood that relationship. I’m pretty sure there is a dom/sub sex thing going on, she’s the dom (frequently wearing tall black leather boots even when its hot out or would seem out of place). To each their own, they’ve been married for 30 years, so something is working.

I reckon I’ve been pretty lucky. The handful I’ve attended haven’t been that bad.

The “worst” one, at least from my perspective, was probably a relative’s where I was an usher and messed up something with the church seating. The guests sorted that one out themselves when they thought I wasn’t looking. The wedding itself went without further problems, but that minor mess-up on my part will always stick with me.

The next “worst” was the one where the reception / after-party had a DJ who cranked the music volume another notch every 10 minutes. The venue had a literal decibel meter on the wall, and I think he had made it his goal to max that sucker out. I’ve been in clubs where the music is so loud you can’t hear your own voice when you’re talking (shouting) to someone else and this went well beyond that.

By contrast, the ceremony itself had been very demure and pleasant, in an English country manor house no less, and were it not for that DJ, it might have qualified as the best.

The best one was probably when I was a kid. I don’t have any memories of the church ceremony, which has to mean I was bored out of my mind, but must have behaved myself and there were no problems of any sort. I vaguely remember the reception in a function room at a hotel and there was nothing of note there that I remember either, except exploring the hotel. Weather was good. Must have been perfect.

All of them are the worst. God, I hate going to weddings.

Best: My wedding. It was low-key and beautiful. The only thing I should have done differently was hire a photographer because the family members who were taking pictures did a shit job.

I’m honestly hesitant to answer the next part. I will with the disclaimer that it contains references to sexual violence. If that’s uncomfortable for you, please accept my apologies and read no further.

Worst: My brother in laws wedding. The ceremony was fine. After that, we stood there for a bit talking to my wife’s dad and step mom. Her dad basically admitted to mollesting one of my wife’s cousins when she was a teenager. He didn’t phrase it as an admission. He said she “accused him” of getting her drunk and assaulting her. And then he laughed it off saying that he couldn’t imagine why anyone would accuse him of something like that.

My poor wife stood there the entire time, speechless; gripping my arm like a vice. We excused ourselves and went back to the car. She cried the entire way to the hotel. One of the few times I’ve ever seen her do that. She said she thought he had only assaulted her. She never imagined he would do that to other girls, otherwise she would have said something.

It took every ounce of restraint in me to keep from knocking his teeth out while he was telling that bullshit story because I knew he had done it but I also knew my wife wouldn’t like it if I made a scene.

The lesson I took away from that experience, one that I try to carefully convey to my kids, is that if you are a victim of sexual assault, please, please, please tell someone. You may not be the first. But you most likely won’t be the last. I know it’s hard. I know it’s painful. I know you wish it had never happened. I don’t blame you. I don’t blame my wife for not telling anyone because I know how painful it was for her.

But here’s the thing. You can’t erase the past. But you might be able to make sure you’re the last victim, if you can find the courage within yourself to speak up.

Best: can I say my own? Everything was tailored to my tastes so I had a pretty good time. It was summer but we had the ceremony and reception in the same place (indoors with AC), the catering was provided by the owner who was a professional chef, DJ did both live and recorded music, sparkler send-off at the end, had a nice little bridal room downstairs to get ready and keep stuff safe. The only thing I would change was the officiant. He was an old family friend but made everything too Jesus-y, mixed up light year as a unit of time in front of a several meteorologists and nasa scientists, and claimed that something we did was a Chinese tradition despite us explicitly telling him it was not and neither of us having a bit of Chinese heritage.

Worst: overall it has to be my brother’s last year. So first, my grandma had a stroke like two days before and was taken off life support during the rehearsal dinner. The officiant forgot his notes and spend most of his speech talking about how marriage is hard and you might want to get a divorce but you shouldn’t. And the speeches from the best man and maid of honor were cringy and naive (to be fair they were all like 19-21 years old).
Runner-up to my best friend who got married in a non-air-conditioned barn on a humid July day.

By far the best ones have been those that I had not been invited to.

Best wedding I went to was very casual. It was in a barn, no dress requirements (even the groom was wearing a plaid button up and jeans, and they brought in a bunch of food trucks for lunch.

It was pretty quick compared to most weddings too.

Best: Indian friend invited me to his wedding in India, 5 days straight of eating delicious food, rituals and ceremonies. As a European, this was entirely exotic to me. Also it was my first time in India and I did a little bit a tourist on the side of the events. Main wedding day had over 2000 people invited, traditional food service for lunch, ice cream booth. The ceremony was in an amphitheatre with the a temple built on stage entirely covered in flowers, it smelled very nice.

Worst: my wedding 😅. Married during COVID in a foreign country, my family were not allowed to travel, country on lockdown. It was my wife and I, ceremony was 3 minutes top-chrono. Witnesses provided by the municipality. It was still a great time, we had the photoshoot after and spend the week exploring Copenhagen without tourists. We had a celebration with family and friends 2 years later, it was very humble but everyone was so happy to meet after all the isolation and it was a great time too.

Best: None. Weddings are pretty boring. I had fun at mine I guess but I got chewed out afterwards because people kept coming to me and asking me to do things and apparently I was supposed to be glued to my new wifes side the whole time.

Worst: Went to a friends wedding, somehow got mistaken as the groom by the priest, which I cleared up, but then during the ceremony the priest said, “I believe that with the power of Jesus any marriage can work, even between people of different races” while looking directly at me, the only non-white (Lakota) person in the entire room.

Worst: EVERY wedding in summer. You want to get married when it’s 30+°C outside? Fine, do whatever you want, but I will come in shorts.

Best man was trashed before it started. Grooms family sat in one corner and didn’t say anything the entire time. Baby daughter of the new couple had thrush or some other contagious disease. Was held at a VFW, where they had the attached bar still open.

Groom went partying that night and didn’t go home to his new wife.

Divorced within 2 years.

I was forced by my idiot ex husband to go to a wedding of family I didn’t even know while one of our horses was at home dying of colic. Spent the day crying, was stared at disapprovingly by strangers and ended up eating some pink dessert with surprise salmonella. Returned home to a dead horse and three days throwing up with diarrhea.

I hate weddings and only have been to two including my own, so that would leave my own as the best one, getting married to the above mentioned idiot. Just us, our kid and my parents at the civil registry, then burger king. Fuck weddings, for real. Best day of my life my arse - I’ve always thought how awful that sounds because it means it only gets worse from there (and it did).

I could still mention a third wedding I refused to go to because idiot husband was too drunk to drive us there safely. Had to flee with the kid and hide at a friend’s place for a week to escape his rage (shouldn’t have returned, but was talked into going back by that ‘friend’ and the idiot).

Weddings trigger the shit out of me to the point where I make sure to not have friends who’d ever consider having a wedding and inviting me to it. I’m now proudly non-monogamous and happy among people who don’t have to make a big expensive thing around pretending they want to be together forever.

Anything immediate family is pretty much competing for worst ranking, simply because of how much extra effort it is.

Out of 6 siblings, 3 have gotten married. Worst was the first, my brother. I was a groomsman - 1 out of 7, there a were 7 bridesmaids as well. A huge wedding party. Photos took -forever- and happened before the ceremony. It wasn’t too hot, but another groomsman (my other brother) ended up fainting (locked knees). We recovered from that. Later on, about an hour into a hour and a half ceremony (ridiculously long speeches) another faints. We’re all suffering because we’re standing for the entire ceremony.

Then it’s finally over, but like any good wedding they had to sacrifice on one aspect. - they hired catering from a friend of a friend, and the caterer’s crew were a no show (apparently they didn’t check the address when they agreed and when they checked and saw it was a 2 hour drive they just didn’t show up). So we all stepped up to help.

There was other shit too but despite outwardly going well that wedding gave me trauma.

Best would be my close friend’s wedding. Just a ceremony and photos. Indoors as well. Easy.

Best - The one I didn’t go to

Worst - Distant family member’s, he was VERY VERY Christian and she was not so much and he sprung a VERY VERY Christian wedding on her. When the priest started going off about how “the wife is beholden to her husband in all ways, submits in all ways, obeys in all ways” her eyes went all big and she started subtly pulling away and oh man I could just FEEL the “GET ME OUT OF HERE I MADE A MISTAKE” waves radiating off of her. So awkward in the reception she looked close to tears the entire time.