no one who has not gone through can understand. My wife has and I ask her about it every so often but I often have to take it piece meal or ask her to stop. Its hard to take in even as a story. Luckily she kinda understands. I think she likes that it disturbs me that much. Its kinda another reason im glad I don’t have kids.

I’d probably have a completely opposite view about sex.

Not sure if it’s possible to tell what we would have done without having been in your shoes.

Well, first, you are believed, what happened to you was terrible and it was not your fault. Most predators cloak themselves in virtue and ascendency so yes, religion and other “unquestionnable domains” attract predators, because that is what these people are : predators.

Any parent who’s so hard about religion to the point of being more virtuous than virtue itself is therefore susceptible to let their children get abused, as long as said predator is a religious authority (it works for any domain parents find virtuous and unquestionnable).

This makes religion dangerous for the well-being of children.

If I were you, I would seek a therapist to have a space to talk, and I would start seeking other victims to unite with. Talking to the people who couldn’t protect you feels useless, unless you just want to shock them for two second before they go into full denial, leaving you with an even bigger emotionnal scar.

I would also seek out other victims, to talk and organize. If there are enough of you, people will start listening. If there is no justice at all, no way out, no hope, I’d look into this abuser’s social circle, indentify the other abusers and think about finding a way to **** them all. But first, seek a therapist and/or other victims.

One time I accompanied my best friend to her brothers wedding. Her relationship with her biological father does not exist beyond being cordial at family events every few years. We were talking to him and her step mom and for whatever reason, he launches into this story about how one his nieces accused him of getting her drunk and sexually assaulting her. He laughed it off like he couldn’t imagine why she would fabricate such terrible allegations against him.

But they weren’t just allegations and they were not fabricated. That son of a bitch did exactly what he was accused him of. I know this because he molested his own daughter. His daughter whom, while hearing this story, stood next to me, tightly gripping my arm with her left hand. Partly to calm herself and partly [I think] to indicate that I should not pound him into the dirt; which was what I wanted to do.

His daughter, who quietly sobbed the whole way back to the hotel, saying, “I thought it was just me. Maybe if I had told someone he wouldn’t have done that to her.” Who still has nightmares about those experiences. She told me, and maybe one other person. I’ve never said anything to anyone out of respect for her privacy. I’m privileged that she felt she could confide in me and sorry that she had to live through that.

What would I have done? I dont know. I’ve never been sexually abused but I grew up with routine physical and verbal abuse. It took many years for me to actually talk to someone about that. It’s a good thing I did becuse I was basically imploding my own life over it. It takes a lot of courage to share these experiences with people. Unpacking all the fear and pain that you’ve worked so hard to push down inside yourself and having to face that again is a lot for even the strongest people.

If my friend had told someone, I dont know if it would have stopped the abuse. We will never know. She’s a good person and I believe if she had known she would not be the last victim, she word have done what she could to stop it. But she was just a kid. It wasn’t her responsibility to try to make an adult not be evil.

The only thing I wish she would do is go talk to a therapist about it. I don’t think that experience impacts her life all that much but I dont think she feels fully free from it either. And I know from my own experience that the baggage feels much lighter when you can finally come to a place where you know that, even though it shapes your life and perspective, as all our experiences do, it doesn’t define you.

Tell a trusted adult that is not family.

It’s impossible to know, but for me now, I would want permanent revenge.

There is, unfortunately, no way to know how one would react in a situation until one is put in that situation.

I can imagine, based on what I know of myself, that I’d have gone one of two ways. Either I would have become infinitely more withdrawn and sullen to the point of taking my own life because of the overall repressive situation you very briefly describe, or I would have become an angry, hypersexualized version of myself who would probably have ended up in a similarly early grave through some other, external means rather than deliberately self-inflicted.

Words on a screen, but I am still sorry this happened to you. Nobody asks for this, nobody deserves this, and there are absolutely people in this world who are happier and better off for your presence and who you are, entirely independent of those horrible moments in your life.

Thank you for sharing your story, and I wish you greater joys in your life than all the pain you’ve yet known combined.

I’d probably kill my abuser, but I don’t suggest taking my hypothetical response as a good idea.