Whether it’s sex or romance, it’s still the same thing.
Here’s why:
What do you know about this person? Absolutely nothing. You would be approaching them for one reason only, you find them attractive. Would you consider doing the same thing to someone who was not attractive? You say you’re looking for a partner, but you just picked a random person. You could have absolutely nothing in common. Do you walk up to random guys hoping that you might have a shared interest and make a new friend?
Whether it’s sex, or a little heavy petting, you have a goal in mind and you’ve mentally decided that a complete stranger should help you fulfill that.
How did you meet your friends? I’m guessing you interacted with them at work or school or someplace, and discovered that you had shared interests, as you discussed those interests, you realized that your personalities complimented each other. They made you laugh and you enjoyed spending time with them, and they felt the same about you.
Boobs shouldn’t change the process. Treating someone differently only because of a physical trait is the definition of discrimination.
I know that what you’re describing is VERY normal. That’s why I said it’s so ingrained in our society.
There’s some truth to what you’re saying but I still disagree. People are cool if you approach them because you wanna be friends but when you approach them with romantic interest things get difficult.
I know one way to look at relationships is best friends who have sex, but the truth is interactions change greatly between friendships and relationships.
Do you walk up to random guys hoping that you might have a shared interest and make a new friend?
Yes, on occasion. And it turns out, cold-approaching kind of works for that. And I usually also don’t need to be weary of personal boundaries because I’m not looking for closeness.
Whether it’s sex, or a little heavy petting, you have a goal in mind and you’ve mentally decided that a complete stranger should help you fulfill that.
Or I don’t know what I want because I’m approaching a random person to see if we vibe and what that looks like for us.
Just because I’m looking for someone doesn’t mean they’re tools for me. I just wanna do it respectfully, and not push boundaries.
Treating someone differently only because of a physical trait is the definition of discrimination.
I’m gonna give it another hot take and say discrimination is bad, but it stops right where attraction starts. If you find someone unattractive, you are not obliged to ask them out. It’s perfectly fine to only ask people out who you are attracted to. And if you are attracted to someone for their nose, that’s fine by me. Imo that’s actually an admirable state of society to be in.
I’m not saying we don’t have a societal problem when it comes to this stuff but I’m starting to think “just go out more” is something that just doesn’t work for everyone so we should find something better for those people.
If you find someone unattractive, you are not obliged to ask them out.
Nobody is saying this.
Since you went through and claimed to be the opposite of everything I said, I have to assume that you don’t actually have the same question as OP. I think you have a different problem that I don’t understand.
I feel the person you responded to worded that poorly. I think it’d be more apt to say you’re not obliged to approach someone you find unattractive, and I’d agree. If your goal is romantic or sexual in nature and attraction is a requirement for you, approaching someone you aren’t attracted to is a waste of time. The key point here though, is that shouldn’t change your approach. It should just narrow down who you approach. Especially for someone introverted, I don’t fault them for wanting to optimize their approach strategy given their limited social battery.
Whether it’s sex or romance, it’s still the same thing.
Here’s why:
What do you know about this person? Absolutely nothing. You would be approaching them for one reason only, you find them attractive. Would you consider doing the same thing to someone who was not attractive? You say you’re looking for a partner, but you just picked a random person. You could have absolutely nothing in common. Do you walk up to random guys hoping that you might have a shared interest and make a new friend?
Whether it’s sex, or a little heavy petting, you have a goal in mind and you’ve mentally decided that a complete stranger should help you fulfill that.
How did you meet your friends? I’m guessing you interacted with them at work or school or someplace, and discovered that you had shared interests, as you discussed those interests, you realized that your personalities complimented each other. They made you laugh and you enjoyed spending time with them, and they felt the same about you.
Boobs shouldn’t change the process. Treating someone differently only because of a physical trait is the definition of discrimination.
I know that what you’re describing is VERY normal. That’s why I said it’s so ingrained in our society.
There’s some truth to what you’re saying but I still disagree. People are cool if you approach them because you wanna be friends but when you approach them with romantic interest things get difficult.
I know one way to look at relationships is best friends who have sex, but the truth is interactions change greatly between friendships and relationships.
Yes, on occasion. And it turns out, cold-approaching kind of works for that. And I usually also don’t need to be weary of personal boundaries because I’m not looking for closeness.
Or I don’t know what I want because I’m approaching a random person to see if we vibe and what that looks like for us.
Just because I’m looking for someone doesn’t mean they’re tools for me. I just wanna do it respectfully, and not push boundaries.
I’m gonna give it another hot take and say discrimination is bad, but it stops right where attraction starts. If you find someone unattractive, you are not obliged to ask them out. It’s perfectly fine to only ask people out who you are attracted to. And if you are attracted to someone for their nose, that’s fine by me. Imo that’s actually an admirable state of society to be in.
I’m not saying we don’t have a societal problem when it comes to this stuff but I’m starting to think “just go out more” is something that just doesn’t work for everyone so we should find something better for those people.
Nobody is saying this.
Since you went through and claimed to be the opposite of everything I said, I have to assume that you don’t actually have the same question as OP. I think you have a different problem that I don’t understand.
I feel the person you responded to worded that poorly. I think it’d be more apt to say you’re not obliged to approach someone you find unattractive, and I’d agree. If your goal is romantic or sexual in nature and attraction is a requirement for you, approaching someone you aren’t attracted to is a waste of time. The key point here though, is that shouldn’t change your approach. It should just narrow down who you approach. Especially for someone introverted, I don’t fault them for wanting to optimize their approach strategy given their limited social battery.