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“never leave a room empty-handed” if you are leaving a room look around for something that doesn’t below to that room take it with you and just move it somewhere close where it’s supposed to be, eventually it’s going to find it’s place.
I actually started doing that 4 years ago. Not as consistently as i should, but it really helped me get out of my depression hole. I kept uttering the phrase: if you see something, do something. I found it pretty amusing, and it worked (and still does) bit for bit.
Works with teaching kids to clean litterboxes, too! If you smell something, do something.
Especially if the reason you smell something is that you did something.
bonus: makes the people who live there think they have a poltergeist.
And if you can’t see anything that should leave the room, you know you’re doing pretty well!
ABC - Always Be Carrying
I learned this while working at a restaurant.
I do the same, its so nice not needing to worry as much with cleaning.
Being nice to people. You come out of interactions feeling better, and you often get more out of people by being nice.
I learned this from my dad. The hardest part is to be nice to absolute assholes, but I’ve seen it does improve relations when you have to work alongside them.
Yes, I’m pissed that I have to mod my behaviour to be extra-nice to these dicks. Yes, I do enjoy that they coordinate better with me after I’ve nicely indicated where the last joint effort could have been better with that coordination.
It’s all about how we be professional knowledge workers work and coordinate like adults and express disappointment and a wish for improvement, I guess.
When I can’t find something in the house after searching for a few minutes, I make a conscious decision to give up and take another approach - go buy the missing tool again, use a different material, whatever. The point is to decide it doesn’t matter where the thing is. Most of the time I immediately look right at whatever I was looking for - as in within a few seconds. Family members are used to hearing me say out loud, “I’m just gonna go to Tru-Value and get another - Oh, here it is!” It works that fast and is very reliable.
My theory about this is that part of my brain knows where the item is all along, but enjoys the treasure hunt and won’t let the information come to the conscious level. But once I sincerely decide to give up the search - it has to be a genuine decision, there’s no faking it - that part of my brain knows the game is over and reveals where the thing is. But who knows, I’m no psychologist.
There was this CGP Grey episode “You are two” from some time ago which is a great watch, and I truly love the idea of your brain just messing with you.
This happens to me too. I usually have to say ‘where the fuck are my glasses?’ and then I find them immediately.
I always assumed it was because the world is really quantum and it doesn’t know to show you the item until you tell it to.
Maybe we are living in a simulation and it doesn’t show the item until you speak it.
If you notice something needs to be done and the task takes less than five minutes, just do it.
Yes, but it’s easy to get side tracked following this.
Hah, yeah. Still better than the alternative - doing nothing
How is “Don’t be lazy and procrastinate” a cheat code…?
About as dumb as “just buy a house” if you’re homeless.
I didn’t say it would work for everyone, but for whatever reason, it helps me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (and I’m also a huge procrastinator)
The cheat code is to pretend your body is a mech and when you’re to lazy to go do the thing you just think about piloting a mech to go do the task. It feels like you aren’t doing anything just think the instruction and the mech does it.
⚠️Warning⚠️ This only works if you think mechs are cool.
Amphetamines
Fr people posting shit like “I’m nice and think positively” don’t understand the term “cheat code”.
Drugs are a cheat code, “thinking positively” is work
If you’re overthinking or worried about something you can’t control, other than something like planning for contingency, all that overthinking is pointless. Worse than pointless, since it adds stress and anxiety. There’s usually zero real benefit.
It takes practice, but being able to say to yourself "well, I’ll deal with that when it happens. No point in worrying about that now, " helps keep you out of the doom loop.
“Don’t borrow trouble” is one of my mottos.
After I come home from work, I want to be a solid lump of nothing. Instead to trick myself when I have tasks I need to do, I keep my work clothes on (including shoes) and it helps trick my brain that the tasks are just a continuation of my work day.
An extension of this is getting dressed normally to work from home. It also means that when you’ve finished for the day, you can get changed and feel switched off from work.
Yup. Even if I work from home, or do my taxes or whatever, I am much more productive if I take a shower and put on a clean T-shirt and pants. Sure it is more comfortable to sit around in my underwear, but that signals to my brain that what we do now is not important…
Do only as much as I feel like. Don’t feel like making dinner, but i’m ok just setting out the ingredients. OK, now I’m fine with just chopping vegetables. Now I’m fine just making the sauce. It only works if you genuinely allow yourself to stop at any point. If I have to stop after the sauce, everything goes into the fridge and I finish making the meal tomorrow.
I kinda do this. I am not much for cooking but like this is how I get through a lot of daily things. I generally will have I have to do at least one thing or one thing in each of several categories but I keep it very achievable. If I spend most of the day in bed so be it but I will spend some of it doing some things that need doing.
Be kind to your future self.
Helps me when I feel like procrastinating or overworking.
Nah, future me is an asshole, let him deal with the consequences.
Come to think of it, past me was an asshole too.
And to your past self. I frequently go like, “wait, did I actually do that?” and then congrstulate my pas self becaus I really did.
In other words, don’t be like Seinfeld’s night guy and morning guy. “Every guy has two guys living inside him - night guy and morning guy. Night guy constantly screws morning guy over - stays out til 3am, spends all his money on booze… then morning guy has to go to work with a hangover and can’t afford an oil change. And morning guy can’t do a thing about it, except lose his job so night guy doesn’t have any money to go out.”
Does it help you in acceptance or in not doing it?
A bit of both.
If I’m taking on something when I already have a full schedule, I think this and decide if I should pursue the activity or not.
Otherwise, if I’m feeling lazy, I think of what my future self would have to put up with if I didn’t do that particular task.
I hope that made some sense.
Better, there’s an entire book of them. “Dialectical Behavioral Therapy” (DBT) calls them “skills”, but they could just as easily be called psychological cheat codes or lifehacks.
Maybe it’s just me but none of the download links seem to actually work. They just redirect to a new page with:
We now support Amazon gift cards, credit and debit cards, crypto, Alipay, and WeChat.
Same for Open In Viewer, No Redirect, etc.
Scroll down to the “slow downloads” section, pick a mirror, wait through the timer (if there is one) and it will give a direct link. (PDF in this case).
I would recommend doing a “save as” on that link or use a download manager. They also are not kidding about how slow it is - it took about 30minutes for the 10mb file, but it did complete.
Be me hacking
Verb Coopted by self improvement life tips bros
Ai bros coopt verb from normal vocabulary
Behavioral phychologists coopt the term from ai bros
Everything is ok
Go to therapy and work on yourself deliberately for years and years. It works. I was super messed up and hateful and angry and I would never have believed that I could love myself, but I do.
I know “cheat code” implies quick or easy or both and this isn’t either one, but it’s life changing if you do it.
If you’re autistic, look between the eyes while talking.
This is actually a fairly well known acting technique. Avoiding direct eye contact helps suppress your own natural reaction to saying uncomfortable things the real you wouldn’t say.
Yeah. In this context, it’s a masking technique.
Better to look at one of their ears. Left or right, it doesn’t matter.
Really freaks them out.
Why would that freak someone out?
Because humans are pretty good at recognizing where you’re looking. If you’re staring intently at someone’s ear while you’re talking to them, it will look to them like you’re seeing something behind them. The fact that you’re not looking away will cause them to be concerned about what it is.
Huh, neat. I’ll try that next time to mess with my brother lol
Yeah. I learned about it from my father in law.
I’m not autistic, but I do this in some situations. Otherwise, directly in the eyes.
Why not switch between the eyes?
?
When talking to people, just ask open questions about them, listen and keep asking question. People will think, you have great conversation skills, eventhough you do not.
But do not ask questions only. Make remarks about your own experiences, or things you heard (within reason). It’s small talk, not an interrogation.
Be careful with that one. If you do it wrong it can feel like an interrogation. That line can be hard to find for some people.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON THE NIGHT OF SEPTEMBER 7TH, 2023?!?!?
What, come on, I was just trying to make conversation!
Alright! Alright! It was me! I killed him! [uncontrollable sobbing]
Good advice. I think the trick is to keep the questions open-ended and somehow related. A series of simple factual questions feels like an interrogation.
You can also take a beat or two after every other question to see if they want to redirect the conversation, maybe even to a question about you.
Yes, it feels like an interrogation when I do that, because they never ask anything back.
There’s a great book about this: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It’s a bit dated in some aspects, but the underlying advice is solid.
Not saying you are, but most of the people who have recommended that book to me are absolute sociopaths.
The book should be titled How to Manipulate People Into Doing Your Bidding.
I can see that, especially because it’s pushed hard in a lot of business schools.
I think the way it’s written gives its reader ALL the social tools and relies on the reader to not be a monster. It was written in the 1930s, which tracks.
I really don’t think that’s the book’s fault.
What kind of questions can I ask without going too far. I ask around things concerning school and thats where I stop, I usually fear touching something sensitive to them
I’ve stopped asking people about jobs (unless they bring it up) because I hate how we treat people’s place in the capitalist system as their primary worth. My go to question is whether the person is from the area we are currently in. If we’re doing an activity, i ask how they became involved. I also like to ask about pets and hobbies.
i’ve tried asking about hobbies and people just tell me they have children and get angry at me. ain’t my fault you made a trade.
I don’t have as much time as before, but you can still have hobbies as a parent if you make it a priority. Especially after the first 2-ish years have gone. Getting the kid involved (to the extent possible) helped unlock more time.
People often ask “so what do you do?”. I find this to be a loaded question, it shows where a person’s head is. Most folks respond by talking about their job. I’ll usually answer by asking “for money or for fun?”. If nothing else it gets a chuckle
Whatever they touch on, as long as you also add here and there your own experiences with the topic, so it does not feel like and interview.
If you ask and it’s too sensitive that is much more preferable than not asking, and not covering topics that actually interest you. It just will not lead to any connection ever. Be brave
When I think of something that happened during the day that was cringeworthy I tell myself, “You are so stupid!!”
When I catch myself doing that I now stop and say to myself, “No you’re not.”
Oddly, this derails the shame spiral and allows me to stay positive.
Kindness and understanding first and foremost, always. But when dealing with uppity assholes in a situation where you are right, first remind yourself that nearly all adults are just faking it to get by, then start making direct eye contact, make every statement crisp, concise, and do not use any “partial” words {words like guess, sort of, possibly, might be, probably, etc) and when you’ve said what needs to be said stop talking, keep making eye contact, and focus on the idea that there is no other way than the way you just said. Don’t be hostile, don’t be insulting, smug, or anything other than resolute. Never break that silence first.
Most of the time, that will get you through, either by convincing everyone else that the issue is ended, or if any of these people are that rare adult who legit has their shit together, they will either move things along or engage you directly to work out a solution.
Confidence is one of the rare things that if you lie about it really well, it becomes truth.
This isn’t some alpha thing, it’s about removing unnecessary doubt. Sometimes that’s more dangerous/costly/wasteful than anything else.
nearly all adults are just faking it to get by
🎶 No one knows what they’re doing 🎶
(A common refrain the Movies With Mikey videos.)
Actually tho, that’s the exact way uppity assholes operate.
The major separation between the two being, you know what you’re doing, and what the correct solution is.
Except if you are not humble this is how you make a Trump…
