There are some people in my university who are jealous of me and whenever I do some message, they reply me with messages that have that sarcasm that look funny and insulting and I don’t have any comebacks for them. They also get more reaction and when I do msgs, more people gather and intensify hate. I want to have comebacks but I don’t know how to.
Witty comebacks are better for playful banter. You seem to be getting straight up bullied
My 2 cents on this: it doesn’t really matter. Are these people that are important in your life? If not you can just say “if that’s your opinion”. Even if you get the world’s greatest comeback, you will only use your time and energy on people that probably don’t matter and you probably won’t stop people from having an opinion. You can’t control how people will react to you, but you can control how you respond. Don’t waste your life trying to justify yourself to others
Read more. Read funny, quick-witted works. Get that stockpile of phrases that cut deep.
Then take an improv class. That gets you to think on your feet.
idk funny works? can you tell me some?
Live in the UK for a few years. They are vicious and hilarious. Some cultures can’t take them, but it’s deep in their culture.
I fear UK now due to the political news I am hearing from there.
"Hey AI, make me a witty comeback. No EM dashes please!
Have you considered sneaking up behind them and hitting them in the head with a brick?
nah
Prepare templates in advance. Maintain an unhealthy obsession with preemptively mapping all possible conversation paths.
There’s thing thing called L’esprit_de_l’escalier where you think of the witty response too late. The thing is, those situations tend to pop up again, and if you’ve practiced it in your mind, you’ll be ready next time.
Also, listen to how stand-up comics deal with hecklers.
Read Douglas Adams. He has so many useful turns of phrases you can repurpose for any situation.
If all else fails, not responding at all can be incredibly powerful.
Also, not caring about changing minds and just mocking idiots is very freeing.
There’s thing thing called L’esprit_de_l’escalier where you think of the witty response too late. The thing is, those situations tend to pop up again, and if you’ve practiced it in your mind, you’ll be ready next time.
I have a deep back-catalogue explicitly for this purpose.
Great advice! I would add, get in the habit of reading anything and everything. You’ll eventually have more comebacks then you ever thought possible because there is always an allegory or an association that can be made based on all the data floating around in your head.
(you don’t have to be witty when you want to be savage.)
They don’t seem to be nice people, so I wouldn’t recomment to try being friends with them. If they bother you and you want to change it then speak up that they are out of line, but do so at your own accord, not because someone told you to, because you need to assess the situation. If they are reasonable then they might just not realise they are out of line, if they actually want to insult you then then it might just fuel the flames. I’d write something like “stop bothering me”
Memorize the comebacks you like, and workshop new ones.
But also…witty comebacks aren’t as helpful as you think. Like they very rarely deescalate situations or even indicate that the other person is being rude.
Like I typically use witty comebacks when I’m either trying to be silly, or I’m serious but I’ve given up on the person I’m talking to and I just want to make them look foolish for everyone else (which is rare).
whenever I do some message, they reply me with messages that have that sarcasm that look funny and insulting and I don’t have any comebacks for them.
Say “Hey I think you’re being super rude and I don’t know what I did to deserve that.” No comebacks needed. If they don’t respond constructively, then literally just tell them to fuck off and disengage. You don’t have to tolerate people stepping on you.
Yeah this is like kryptonite to people looking for an argument. Just be the opposite of their snarky sarcastic selves and instead reply by being totally open and guileless.
Don’t.
Remove people who regularly insult you ("haha, it was just a joke, can’t you take anything?) from your life. They will suck your soul out in the long run. If you can’t avoid dealing with them keep it very formal.
You can prepare a few stock answers for them (to repeat whenever you need them), something like “That was disrespectful, please stop it”. (In your own words) You also might want to read up on setting and enforcing boundaries and red lines.
To train your spontaneity try improv workshops, but that’s something you do with people whom you feel safe with, who do respect you.
You are not the only one whom they use as the butt of their jokes, so just hang around with people who are better for you. People who are making hurtful “jokes” are simply disrespectful. You can’t change that by lowering yourself to their level and bitching back.
And build your creativity having fun, not fighting back. The idiots are not worthy of your time, of what you think, of what you do.
Step 1: Be bullied from a young age in school.
Step 2: Be raised by apathetic sociopathic narrcistists and have no outlet for your negative emotions at home.
Step 3: Realize that the only way to have your peace, is by standing your ground verbally.
Step 4: Walk the fine line between being insultingly witty enough without getting the shit kicked out of you.
Step 6: Be soul crushingly lonely.
Step 7: Do that for 20 years.
Step 8: Have good comebacks for any online comments people throw at you.
Step 9: ???
Step 10: Profit.God, you and I must be soul twins. Now I am middle aged, and I can clap back so hard, no one laughs… until the recipient leaves the room. Then they all come up to me as if I just gave a beautifully funny wedding toast.
I am not lonely, and I am not a dick. Just a fucking prick.
But you just about described my life.
You have to be witty to have witty comebacks.
How to be witty?
Adhd and a shitty childhood?
idk about adhd but i have kinda shit childhood
My real advice mimics others in this thread. Even if you “win” arguments, it will be a hollow victory and not improve your life or make you feel better. It’s not a healthy goal to focus on.
Tap for other advice
However, I also believe that people never actually listen when you teach them life lessons; they have to experience it themselves first.
Start by practicing with some LLM chatbot. Tell it to insult you, replicating the bully’s methods and tactics. The goal is to desensitise yourself to toxicity, so you can be witty instead of hurt. Ask it to rate how well you responded. Careful to not get addicted to this or lose track of reality; only do it for a week or two maximum to get started in a sandboxed environment.
Next, practice making jokes in Discord voice chat communities and getting real people to laugh. Then practice improv or even stand up comedy. You can find many tutorials online, even better if you can find something in person.
Basically you’re trying to train the part of your brain that is creative under time pressure. This is still a useful skill to have, even outside of witty comebacks.
If I wanted my comeback, I would have wiped it off your mother’s face.
How appropriate, you fight like a cow!
I am rubber, you are glue.
Please do. I hate my mother.
I mean, the real answer to your problem is not to engage; not to feed the trolls. They get more reactions because they don’t care about what’s being said, just that they can bait you into replying. In this case, the best comeback is silence.
