And no, please dont suggest homeless shelters, those are just unsafe and very demoralizing.
The very first thing I looked for (and forgive me for this, this is gonna be a controvertial one here) is the military, because thats just what lots of reddit threads mentioned, and like it would be an immediate exit from a toxic household, and yes, that would mean enduring an institution thats also kinda toxic, but thats only a few years and you’re free, and its much more predictable. Except they dont accept anyone with depression and you have to prove you’re “fine” for probably 36 months to even get a waiver. So that’s crossed off as an option.
Jobcorps, well thats for low income families, and being a dependent means your parents income is what counts so i dont qualify
Americorps NCCC, well that seems seasonal and the next thing doesnt start till like months later (not sure if I’m even reading the website correctly)
Ngl I lowkey just thought of enlisting so once I finish that, next time we meet, I could stand in front of my toxic brother just staring at him menacingly, like whatcha gonna do, fight with an ex-soldier? Not to mention the prestiege of veteran status. And btw its only 1% thats acrually ever gonna face real combat so its not like WW1&2 trench warfare, its mostly just logistics, and like a civillian job, you’d be contributing to shareholder value anyways so there isnt really much of a “moral highground” either way, except working a retail job or some shit is very demoralizing but military has the reverance. And also
But anyways I’m not eligible anytime soon anyways. I doubt I’m even “manly” enough for it.
Bruh idk what to do really, you know that one movie, Parasite where like they work in a rich person’s mansion and that shit. I’m not a fan of rich people but like I lowkey wanna like just “housesitter” and chill in some nice mansion with great views, and maybe even find secrets and become a movie plot. (edit: okay this part I’m half joking, its more like a fantasy daydream of “I get to be in a movie plot” probably unrealistic for someone that never been in proximity of high wealth)
I’m in Philly, PA btw.
(Also should I pack light with just a backpack and just one or two change of clothes and laundry often or just carry every clothing I could fit in a suitcase?)
From reading your responses, I don’t think you should concentrate on moving out. Take the opportunities your privilege allows (e.g. having shelter and food) to work on yourself from that safe location. I would go to therapy and discover why youre feeling like this and in the meantime, do some work in a store or something. It’s menial, sure, but it’s something. If you feel like it, you can give your folks some money to feel like you’re contributing.
I did therapy with 2 separate people, one was a 1st-gen Mandarin speaking lady with a weird accent (for context I’m also ethnically Chinese), another was a white male. Neither helped.
I had medications from a General Practitioner, Lexapro and Sertraline or something. And then later Wellbutrin/Buproprion combined with Hydroxyzine for sleep and anxiety. Nothing really helped but the hydroxyzine did suppress anxiety for a bit but it also makes me tired af and kinda brainfog.
So I just ghosted them and stopped taking the medications.
I think people in Philly, and perhaps most big cities, have this weird attitude against their “paitients” (aka people they wanna milk money from)
And no giving them money wouldnt feel like contributing. Commingling of assets and then they would only tell you how much they “love” your and “omg we sacrafises so much”, and any money you give them would only be repaying a debt that you’ll never be able to finish paying, the debt of my birthmother giving birth to me and raising me for 18+ years. So… my desire was a clear boundary, both financially and physically. Even just for a a few months to maybe 2 years (and maybe beyond that)
Like I dont mind using their house as a temporty stop in between different seasonal gigs or something, but i dont wanna stay for long. I want a “safe space” that no parent, no sibling, no drugaddicts or burglars, would be able to breach into.
You could enroll in college and get loans to pay for a dorm, but 2weeks is short notice and a degree is no guarantee of success. They can definitely help though, and it’s good to have a well rounded education not to mention networking opportunities.
If you don’t have to move out, consider staying though. You could always start with a community college or trade school while you stay.
Have you looked into working with the National Parks? A lot of their entry level positions only require a HS level education, and many parks offer employee housing. I’ve heard it’s quite competitive (both for jobs and for housing) but it’s still worth considering. State parks, DNR, BLM, etc. might be an option too depending on where you live.
Except they dont accept anyone with depression and you have to prove you’re “fine” for probably 36 months to even get a waiver
Join the Russian army
The signing bonus is $25,000, and the monthly salary is $2,600.
Telegram https://t.me/Russian_army01this may be the worst idea I have ever heard. Get you out of the house, sure, but you ain’t ever coming back. If you don’t speak Russian and don’t have some out-of-this-world skills that a recent high school drop-out probably doesn’t have, you are going on the front lines to shot by Ukrainians. I don’t think you’d make 3 weeks after basic training.
LMFAO xD, nah fam. But I would join for Ukraine, but unfortunately they need veterans, they wont even accept an amateur like me.
Dunno how to give you advice. “Want out immediately, but not so immediately as to be homeless” and “military is kinda appealing, but there might be a waitlist if you have depression.” And “I dont want to do demeaning minimum wage jobs” all kinda conflict with one another. Also, the fuck you worrying about prestige for? That’s ridiculous, either get in the house or get out. Prestige ain’t got shit to do with it.
Also, the fuck you worrying about prestige for? That’s ridiculous, either get in the house or get out. Prestige ain’t got shit to do with it.
Cuz my older brother (he’s like 29 and we still live together) keeps shittalking me and say shit like “you’ll never be good enough for anything, maybe you should just be a janitor” cuz he has a college degree. (Even though he only has a normal job and never got to use the degree and the job isnt even degree related.)
I have multiple degrees and your brother is a dickhead. Also, janitors are important, anyone looking down on them is a fool.
Some universities even give you a tuition waiver if you work there full time, even as a janitor. Good way to get a degree, benefits usually aren’t bad either.
I remember being a kid and teachers telling us stuff like “you’ll end up as a garbage man” only years later to find out unionized garbage men make more money than public school teachers.
They definitely make a decent amount in most places.
And they find some pretty cool shit people toss away.
You could look into WWOOFing. Basically participating owners of small farms provide you 3 meals a day and a place to sleep in return for helping out about half of every day. Seems like a decent option until you can get your feet under you, and would afford you enough time (the second half of the day) to figure that out.
Granted, in the winter you’ll have fewer options (animals and greenhouses mostly).
WOOFing is for rich college kids who have a nice home to go back to after their ‘adventure’, not GED holders who need to work to support themselves.
If you’re handy, some apartment/condos offer a discount on living at the location while you work there, such as doing maintenance or groundskeeping or such.
Doing maintenance isn’t a glamorous job, and you’d likely be on call, but its a living and does have some career progression.
hey there, i’ve been traveling for 15 years and taught for 7, teaching English abroad seems to fit what you’re looking for.
jobs are available today in dozens of countries, several of them have no requirement other than being a native English speaker, ~25 working hours per week, it’s very cheap to live abroad, so even if you’re making a thousand usd equivalent a month(starting without any degree, accreditation or experience), you can still begin saving money, and since you mentioned prestige, teachers are highly respected everywhere I’ve been.
especially if you have no idea what you want to do, but you need to move out, get your own place and start saving money immediately, there are over a billion esl students looking for a teacher. Every month you spend teaching is valuable work experience, you can get a lifetime TEFL(teaching english as a foreign language) accreditation in a couple of weeks with a self-directed pdf course that will raise your salary and negotiating power.
if you’re interested, feel free to ask questions here or in the travel community, i taught abroad for several years, retired and have been traveling ever since.
if you’re lucky enough to be a fluent english speaker, it’s a very low-barrier, high-reward job.
Before considering this option, OP, you should listen to accounts of people who have actually done it (good and bad). Some people have had absolute NIGHTMARE experiences, like getting trapped in their host country and unable to quit because their employer refuses to give back their passport or other documents. And while I’m no expert, I would say that any company willing to hire teachers with only a GED/HS diploma is worth raising an eyebrow at.
Some people have amazing experiences teaching abroad - I don’t want to make it sound all bad! It sounds like you had a great experience and I definitely don’t mean to knock that. But it’s worth noting there are a fair few sketchy players in the game, and it’s important that OP does heavy heavy research as the consequences of getting involved with one of these companies can be dire.
OP, you should listen to accounts of people who have actually done it
that’s me. i taught english abroad(for ~7 years) starting with zero experience or accreditation, ended up running two schools before retiring, and I’m still traveling 15 years later.
the “sketchy players” in education are, in theory, the same concentration whether you’re a lawyer, flipping burgers, or teaching english, although because the demand is so much higher for english teachers than in other fields, the risk for an english teacher is lower.
Like I said, I don’t mean to deny your positive experience, nor suggest that someone can’t have a positive experience teaching abroad. I’ve heard a lot of genuinely good experiences. But the consequences of working for a bad employer abroad can truly mess up your life in a way that flipping burgers in Fresno or filing legal paperwork in St. Louis just can’t, no matter how terrible the employees are stateside. Burger King can’t hold your passport hostage.
I also think OP’s mental health status shouldn’t be discounted here. A lot of the negative experiences I’ve heard are related to loneliness and mental struggles working abroad, especially in countries where English-speaking mental healthcare is lacking or absent entirely. It’s one thing to be depressed, young, and isolated in your home country. It’s a whole different beast to be depressed, young, and isolated in a country where you don’t even speak the local language, and where the closest familiar face is several thousand miles away.
I feel the need to reiterate again that this isn’t everyone’s experience, just that working abroad is a huge commitment and needs to be considered from every angle. I’m glad you’re here to share a positive perspective!
At this point, the question isn’t if the military will take you w/ a history of depression, but whether they a would put you in a situation where you’d want to kill yourself.
I’d say if you’re in a hurry, retail while you live in a car until you can find a roommate situation. While you’re in your car, apply for homeless assistance, and you might land a private room in a shelter eventually, which is way cooler than the open barracks of emergency shelters.
Yeah… I had a friend in highschool who went down the path of not knowing what to do with himself, enlisting in the military, and ultimately ending his own life. I only found out years later so I’m not sure of the circumstances that lead him to it, or even if his time in the army contributed to his feelings. But it’s very sad, either way.
Yeah, I imagine a lot of lost people would turn to the military and I doubt it’s a good environment for people with mentla health issues, given how many people come out of it with PTSD.
I dont own a car
I have access to cars, but those are my parents, its not like they’re gonna let me have one, they need it for work and transporting tools and stuff, so I might be able to borrow them temporary at most.
But I dont have a drivers license
Why don’t you have a driver’s license? I suspect there are some bigger issues at play here.
Um… I never got one. 👀
Just the um “yeah I’mma get a drivers license some day”…
a few years later
…
Why do you need to move out? The lack of multigenerational homes is one of the reasons that Americans are so much in debt and have so little freedom despite having the largest economy in the world.
Save as much money as you can. If you can’t stay with your nuclear family, find somewhere else you can. Living on your own is a really bad idea at least until you are married and have saved up enough for a 20% down payment on a house AND at least six months of living expenses. Otherwise you are just going to live the rest of your life as a slave to debt.
I dont “need” to move out. I WANT to move out cuz I have a self esteem issue of feeling like a “leech” and I just wanna prove, and I mean prove to myself at least, that I could survive without my parent’s control.
There’s no immediate threat of getting kicked out but my mom literally combines the worse elements of both chinese culture of being controlling and american culture of “haha ur 18 bye” and saying shit like “you’re over 18, i have no legal responsibility for you anymore” while simultaneously being controlling.
So its just I feel like crying all the time cuz I’m just being accused of being lazy all the time.
Its like I want to tell a story of “I built my own life” instead of feeling like “unemployed lose that ‘live in mom’s basement’” (I don’t literally live in the basement but you get my point, its the stereotype thing)
What interests you? What fields could you see yourself working in long term? Have you considered learning a trade (electrical, plumbing, carpentry, construction, etc.)?
In the short term there’s nothing wrong with having a day job, just about anything to make some money. But it’s also good to have some kind of vision for what you want your life to be in the long term.
feeling like a “leech” […] prove to myself at least […] feel like crying all the time […] feeling like “unemployed lose that ‘live in mom’s basement’”
First, you need to separate your feelings from the objective fact that, right now at least, you are dependent on your parents.
On top of that, the economy sucks right now and it is difficult even for more qualified people to find sustainable, full-time jobs. You are not alone in being unemployed right now, and there are people of all levels of education, experience and all walks of life who are trying to figure out what they can do next. And as painful as it might be to hear this, you’re much better off being unemployed living “in mom’s basement”, than being one of the many people who are unemployed while the bills continue to come in.
You do have to put in work, and you have to be honest with yourself about whether you are putting in a reasonable amount of effort to improving your life and helping around the house. But at the same time, employment isn’t just a matter of effort and willpower, it’s also a matter of opportunity and economics.
As for your feelings, it sucks to feel bad about yourself, and it’s certainly not good to be in an environment where other people are constantly making you feel bad about yourself. What your parents might think is “tough love”, meant to motivate you to work harder to improve your life, could be seriously contributing to your negative feelings about yourself, making it even harder for you to look at things objectively. I’m not trying to defend your parents or invalidate how you feel, or anything like that–they’re making you feel bad about yourself and trying to control your life, and it probably is an unhealthy relationship that needs to change.
The best recommendation for you there is honestly therapy, and talking to a professional who can help you navigate how you feel about your situation.
What interests you? What fields could you see yourself working in long term? Have you considered learning a trade (electrical, plumbing, carpentry, construction, etc.)?
I want some computer related job. Well I dont have any coding knowledge tho, but like I can open a microsoft word and probably figure out how a spreadsheet works by googling it. I know how to google error codes. I know how to install linux and custom android roms, but idk how to use a terminal besides just basic “sudo apt-get” stuff, I mostly have to google everything.
@WongKaKui@piefed.ca you might want to take the advice of @mrmaplebar@fedia.io here. If you are an American citizen who isn’t in school and over 18 years old, you should qualify for Medicaid, or similar state program, which makes affording a therapist a lot easier than it is even for middle-class Americans.
sounds like plenty of reasons to stay until you can build up your wealth.
Yeah that American culture is the problem, not the least of which the reverence for veterans you mentioned. Fight that, and sloth, rather than your family.
Food service or retail. Two fields that are always hiring.
@WongKaKui@piefed.ca and that can just be temporty, like perhaps even just weeks, while you keep looking for something better, like factory work. And if you live in a big city like Philly, especially this time a year, you might want to look at something like UPS. You don’t need a driver license to work in a shipping facility, and they are usually teamsters’ union members, though you might end up starting as a tempory contractor for the holidays and then be first in line for a union job come next year.
You could potentially join a religious community. It doesn’t take an immediate commitment as long as you are willing to consider a vocation, its several years living with the community before you’d take vows.
The Capuchins, for example, https://www.capuchin.com/vocations/beafriar
That seems kinda like a zero privacy environment. I mean I googled friars the part about technically everything you have is owned by the community, including personal items (and some dont even allow you to bring anything especially electronics, they seem kinda techphobic?). Um yea idk seems like a weird buddhism thing but abrahamic religion version. Like not even a personal notebook to write journaling or poetry that is strictly your own off-limits to everyone else? I doubt anyone doing that is gonna be able to save up any money cuz its against their rules.
Well thanks for the input but I’ll keep looking for something else.
they seem kinda techphobic
I don’t think its so much techpobic as contemplative.
Um yea idk seems like a weird buddhism thing but abrahamic religion version.
I mean there’s a reason they are both called monks.
Like not even a personal notebook to write journaling or poetry that is strictly your own off-limits to everyone else?
I highly doubt that’s the case. But otherwise you’re probalby right.
Bruh idk what to do really, you know that one movie, Parasite where like they work in a rich person’s mansion and that shit. I’m not a fan of rich people but like I lowkey wanna like just “housesitter” and chill in some nice mansion with great views, and maybe even find secrets and become a movie plot.
Au Pair or butler; take your pick
Lol that part was kinda half joking, they probably never one a filthy “low class” like me that’s never been taught “high class ettique”.
Au pair is basically a fancy word for nanny. Old coworker went to do that for some rich people in Australia and she was anything but high class.
95% of them are women. I’m cis male… I dont wanna be near kids cuz like the stigma of “stranger male” stereotype. Like you also need lots of privious babysitting house from what I read to be even considered, and its more scrutinized for males than female applicants. Because of the traditional implication that men have “nefarious intentions”.
But the idea of travelling to a potentially rich (or at least “middle class”) European home to like just be a part of their daily life, like just the glipse into the world of rich people (again, I’m not glorifying wealth, just a “I wanna see the world” desire)
I do speak Cantonese and Mandarin as a heritage language tho so idk if a Taiwanese family would want me, I mean I could teach their kids english maybe and I can teach about the US. I kinda wanna avoid mainland due to political reasons.
How quick is quick? Like within the week, a month or two, or what?
say like two weeks to one month is about as much as I want to tolerate the toxicity, not immediate danger, but lots of yelling and its making me anxious
So its like desparate enough to leave asap, but not desperate enough to wanna live on the streets
