Edit: This is a bonus check, he is not hurting for cash. He has a regular union pension plus social security.
My father is an expat living in the Philippines. My half-sister was dealing with his mail and financial stuff but has stopped/went no contact with him. I have no clue why, but I’m guessing they had a fight over something (I have zero contact with her). He is asking me to receive a paper union pension check and either take a picture and send it to him so he can sign it and use an app to deposit or forge his signature and deposit it. It’s bank fraud and for 600 I’m not willing to risk the consequences.
He says the union won’t direct deposit and it costs too much to send to him via mail or whatever. I asked why he didn’t set up a remailing service and he said something about trust and thieves as well as not wanting to pay.
He was not in my life 98% of the time and had ample opportunity to handle things before moving. He moved there to be with his new girlfriend while still married to another Phillipino. He said It was no big deal they do it all the time. She went with him then came back and sold everything she could and drained the accounts. I told him then I wouldn’t be dealing with stuff I have no legal standing in.
He tried guilt tripping me about the check and playing it off as no big deal and how desperate he is.
This is what I sent him:
I want to address this clearly so we can put it to rest.
When you chose to move overseas, I advised getting your affairs settled first, which included making sure that your banking and mail situation was handled properly. That was your decision to make.
We haven’t been in touch for months, and you chose not to reach out until an emergency landed on your lap. That was your choice as well.
When things fell apart with your previous living situation, you expected me to step in and deal with things. I told you then I was done dealing with this kind of chaos. I have no legal standing to handle your paperwork, and I will not do so. You have not formally provided legally binding documentation giving me explicit power of attorney, so I cannot and will not touch any financial or legal matters for you.
You have always spoken highly of the unions and their benefits. They have the capability to handle direct deposits or wire transfers the same as any other business. They are on your side, not mine. You and the union created this administrative issue, and you will need to work with them to resolve it.
My life experiences have taught me that family obligations do not override legal boundaries or personal safety. I will not commit check fraud, forge a signature, or take and transmit photos of negotiable financial instruments. Family, money, and legal issues do not mix, and I will not risk prison time or a federal banking violation over $600. There are people who get paid to deal with this type of thing.
This situation cannot be my responsibility to fix. I wish you the best in figuring it out directly with the trust or finding someone who can assist you.
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Your not wrong, but you should just say you don’t want to help rather then going through a song and dance about prison
It is sensational, forwarding someone’s mail to them unopened isn’t going to put you at any risk, even opening the mail and sending them a photo is near zero risk with their explicit permission.
Mail forwarders exist and do both of these things, they are perfectly legal. It’s ok to tell your dad you don’t want to get involved or help, but drop the ludacris excuse, it doesn’t represent you well
You are not wrong, but to argue that you are risking prison is ludicrous.
You shouldn’t even try and justify why you are uncomfortable. It just invites an argument and risks making you look like you are making petty excuses, which it kind of does here.
Don’t over explain, just state your boundary and don’t engage past that.
I want to reiterate that I agree with your stance, but your statement needs to disallow argument, and the only way to do that is to not provide justification the way you do here.
He can resolve his own issue or, if you are willing, give you the proper legal authority to do what he is requesting.
Is he trying to avoid taxes or something?
I’m not sure it’s illegal to text him a photo of a check.
I don’t know, maybe it is, but it seems fine to me, there’s nothing sketchy about that. I think you may be making this a bigger thing than it has to be.
Though I also think you’re absolutely right that he just needs to set up direct deposit, that’s the obvious solution. But, if he can get that done, that would show that he’s doing what he can to correct the situation on his end. And at that point, you should just take a photo of the remaining check for him or simply mail it to him in an envelope.
And to be clear, it sounds like you don’t “owe” him anything, at least not more than you owe any other human being. But if this is the kind of thing that would take very little effort from you and would be a big deal to someone else, it might fall into that category of being something you’d owe to any human being.
Don’t overthink it, and don’t over explain yourself to him.
“That sounds illegal and I’m not going to get involved with it. Talk to your bank. Let’s chat again in 10 years. Bye.”
Savage, but warranted. Perfect.
No, you’re not wrong at all. You’re being kinder about it than most people would be.
Sounds like you’re overthinking/overdoing it.
Just say no and that you don’t want to take any risk on. If you want to be helpful tell him that he should reach out to the payer and see what they can do to help him.
Short, sweet, and simple. Then move on. Not worth your time, energy, and worry.
I over think most everything. I already sent the message last night and haven’t heard back so I’m guessing he is pissed.
For sure he’s pissed, but that’s on him.
I like your message, as it probably reflects how you’ve dealt with him in the past, and enforces a no-nonsense-I’m-out approach, which a short and curt response may not have done.The message might come across cold, it has a very professional, clear cut tone to it. It does a good job of explaining why you are unwilling to help though.
But I honestly don’t think that being more cordial would’ve changed anything, it doesn’t sound like he is very understanding…
He probably would’ve been pissed with every non-positive message.
It may seem like no big deal to him, but he’s not the one risking prison. He could have settled this ahead of time, but simply chose not to. He’s an adult who is responsible for his own choices. You are definitely not wrong for refusing to help him.
In most other circumstances it’s usually a relationship issue. In your case it’s literally a potential legal liability which can land you in hot water. So relationship with your father aside, you literally can’t do what is being asked of you because it’s illegal in the first place, even if you wanted to help.
So this is a very easy “no”.
That sounds perfectly reasonable to me. You’ve stated your position, and explained why. You’ve kept the language polite and unemotional too, which is good.
The one thing I’d suggest is offering to mail this, and only this, check to him as a positive gesture. It may help him out of a hole (and from the sounds of it he’s not one for planning ahead, so he might well be in a hole), and might make the refusal sting a little less. You don’t owe it to him though, so only offer that if you’re willing.
He could have had it mailed and dealt with already. I’m coming in to things nearly a month later. His claim was it would cost 200 or 300 to do so. I don’t have a clue if it’s true or not. He is not hurting for cash at all. He has a regular pension plus social security he probably clears 4k a month. He sold a house right as the pandemic was starting for just over 750k that he owned for years. He bought a condo in the Philippines along with a car and traveled to China, Europe, the and the US with his new wife.
Oh, in which case, he clearly has the means to deal with this himself, and your message seems fine to me.
I’d be careful with that kind of positive gesture. Some people will take that as a sign that you might change your mind.
OP has to be the judge though, maybe his dad doesn’t do that… Although judging based on what we know, it seems like a bad idea.
Is simply mailing the check to him not an option? Do it once, tell him to figure out something else for the next one.
What if this $600 is the difference between him staying where he is, or needing to come home, and then he shows up on your doorstep?
Money is not an issue. The is some sort of bonus. He owns his condo in the Philippines and has his regular pension which direct deposits among with his social security check. He sold his house which he owned for years for just over 750k right as the pandemic was starting. He doesn’t want it mailed to him, that could have been done already.
I get this. People doing goofy things gotta sorta expect to deal with their goofy siuation.
Why doesn’t he have the pension checks mailed directly to the bank for deposit?
This is some sort of “bonus” and he reiterated multiple times they only do physical checks.
Some banks will deposit pension checks mailed to them directly. I’m not talking about electronic direct deposit
I figured there was an option like this. But it’s something he needs to deal with between the issuer and the bank.
No. Don’t get involved in this.
How is sending a picture of a check to the person it’s made payable to bank fraud? You have no idea what’s he needs it for, right, right??!!
I understand your hesitation considering your history with him, but if anyone would be committing fraud it would be your father. Even so, IMO there is no bank that would press charges if he deposits an image of a check that is payable to him, especially for $600.
Even if it’s his check payable to him I’m not willing to risk my life on it. I would be a part of a conspiracy to commit fraud if something happens.
That is silly. I don’t think you need to worry about that.
If it’s legal there’s a way to do it safely.
