“big gulps, huh? Well, see you later!”

No ticket

Why can you never have more that one egg?
Cause one egg is Un œuf (enough)

My favourite bilingual joke. It’s so silly, it’s so fantastic

Who are you and how did you get in here?

I’m a locksmith and I’m a locksmith.

Appa from Kim’s Convenience saying ‘No, you!’ to everything.

‘You’re deflecting.’

‘No! You are deflecting!’

“Why you know that cow is highly accomplished? Yeah they are outstanding in their field.”

-“Anyway, your immunity Is due to the fact that you lack the delta brain wave. It’s a genetic abnormality which resulted when you went back in time And performed certain actions which made you your own grandfather.”

-“I did do the nasty in the past-y.”

“Yes it’s true, this man had no dick”

“Oh no, not again” from the paragraph:

"Curiously enough, the only thing that went through the mind of the bowl of petunias as it fell was Oh no, not again. Many people have speculated that if we knew exactly why the bowl of petunias had thought that we would know a lot more about the nature of the Universe than we do now.

“But the water’s clean”.

Many years ago when a friend and I stopped at a rest stop and the sinks looked dirty. I said, “It’s not very clean”, they said that. Now for some reason it still pops into my head any time I wash my hands in a public restroom. Whyyyyyyyyyy.

The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead.

Any variation of n n+1 (based on 67).

How do you stop an elephant from charging?

What do you call a hen that counts her own eggs? A mathemachicken.

“It’s like I tell my ex-wife. Honey…I never drive faster than I can see. And besides that, it’s all in the reflexes.”