For some context, we are first generation immigrants. My parents are Russian, my mother and her husband have been living here for 20 years (even got rid of Russian citizenship couple years ago), my biological father is still living in Russia.
It’s damn exhausting to discuss political topics with them, especially my father. He keeps telling me how great it is to live in Russia, how their economy is doing great and how he’s proud that they are defending their “brothers” in Donezk and Luhansk from the evil bandera regime in Ukraine.
My mom voted far right in the past election. She doesn’t believe she voted for nazis, but the party’s views on economics, climate policy and immigration seem to align with hers. She believes wind farms are harmful for the environment. What the actual fuck.
Whenever I try to argue with them, they tell me that I’ve been brainwashed by “Western propaganda”.
I’m at a loss. I love my parents and I know that nobody’s immune to propaganda, but it’s heartbreaking to see them holding these toxic beliefs. How would you deal with parents like these? Should I just declare to never talk about politics with them again since it’s pointless?
Similar struggle. I told my folks (they live 2hrs away and I see them every 2 mo.) that they need to choose: a relationship with me or talking about politics. At first I gave a couple warnings, but after maybe 3 or 4 times. I reiterated, me or politics, and left without another word. Works with phone calls too. “Did you hear what Bide” click - I hang up.
Treat them like dogs - they’re trainable. If you abruptly leave or hang up every time, eventually they’ll get the hint. If not, they’ve made their choice and if it’s not you, then you’ll need to move on.
I didn’t travel 2 hours to talk about someone I’ll never meet. Let’s talk about ourselves and what’s new in our lives. What’s going on in the garden, what’s new in the office, whatever happened to what’s-her-name you used to hang out with.
they’re trainable
This does work from experience. It also obligates you to be the person that puts energy and work into the relationship without it ever being reciprocated.
At any point you can decide that it’s not worth it anymore, OP. It’s completely fair to decide that this minute or 5 years from now.
Easy. Log into their router next time I visit, adjust the DNS setting and redirect fox, oann, and facebook to actual news sites.
Some routers have DNS settings other than choosing a DNS provider? :0 What does setting this up look like generally?
I stopped talking to them because every time I did I would have to correct things that they say because I am more knowledgeable about absolutely everything given that I’m not a dumbass
Shit is so exhausting, though.
Smother them with a pillow while they sleep.
Edit: this comment will land on the right side of history
I moved a couple states away from my family to minimize any interaction. It’s not just politics. Their politics are, however, and indicator that they’re not the type of people I want to associate with, so the extra distance facilitates less contact.
Of course, I moved to Iowa, which has since shifted from purplish to red. At least I’m on a blue city.
Don’t discuss politics with them if you want to maintain contact as parents.
“If Russia is so great why do we live here?”
Tell this every time they start bullshitting.
The father still lives in Russia though.
The reality is that it was a mistake to give boomers unfettered access to the internet. Just like we dont hand Ipads to 5 year olds and let them click anything on YouTube.
I wouldn’t.
I’d approach it from a personal level, as in, “you’re disgusting for doing this, you’re disgusting for pretending any of this bullshit is defensible. This is beyond the pale. I’ll talk to you again if you stop it with the crap, not before. I’m ashamed to come from people who would do this.”
I don’t know if it’s a good idea to try and talk actual policy points with them. You think they reasoned their way there? This isn’t politics, it’s assholish indecency. Treat it like the thing it is.
Debating people who’s entire thing is “don’t be serious but make the others be” is dumb. Clown on em, tell them you can visit when they stop being transparently awful. Make it their job to patch things up, and don’t use kid gloves. Don’t allow the idea that they have a point into the conversation. That only applies to people who have points. Nazi shit gets you put in time out instead.
Don’t take up the mantle of always having to put out the fire they keep lighting in the bridge between you. They’ll burn it down and try to blame you for it, mark my words.
I’m low-contact with a couple of my core family. When we do meet, the other relatives are usually nice enough to just stop any political conversations or rants. Every once in a while, one slips through and I just ignore it, but our interactions have become infrequent enough that it’s maybe yearly.
It’s heartbreaking to both see some real opinions in some cases (some of which are products of their eras, and some of which have softened), but I also mourn the lack of immunity to conspiracy theories and propeganda on the other; I have seen almost a polar shift in one relative that really shocks me.
I don’t talk politics. Not at work. Not to my parents. I just keep my opinions to myself to keep my sanity.
This is the way. Most loud people don’t talk politics, they just convey the latest talking points because they feel like being rewarded.
Just stay out of the stupid-shouting match.
Books or audio books on the subject of cults and conspiracy theories help to both understand this and eventually know what to do about it.
Unfortunately, you arguing with them about it most likely did only damage and no good. Stop. It will only make your parents more right wing (and you left) then drive you both crazy.
Here is a good place to start if you like: Hivemind by A.Montell Cultish BA S.cavanagh
Hit me up if you want more. But it’s a complicated subject that can’t be explained in a short lemmy post. If you want any other advice, OP, eatsomeveggies.
Well, one of mine died and it turns out the other one turned Trumper because she had developed dementia so I don’t hold it against her.
Have you tried that?
Idk death and dementia don’t seem like a feasible solution to me
Did rational evidence based argument work?
Ghost them as soon as possible and leave the country and naturalise elsewhere if possible
Should I just declare to never talk about politics with them again since it’s pointless?
Yes. I thought that was obvious, when have you ever seen children being able to convert their parents?
My mom was a conservative along the lines of McCain and Romney. My sister and I played a part in converting her, but Trump did the heavy lifting.
I unbrainwashed my mom but not my dad
My parents were anti-gay marriage back in the day… they converted when they were faced with the fact that ALL OF THEIR KIDS are queer hahaha
They’re totally cool with stuff now, and very much not right-leaning anymore.
Yeah. As Dave Ramsey says “If they’ve wiped your butt, you’re probably not going to change their mind.” Lol.
While this is not incorrect, it needs to be stated for the record that Dave Ramsey is a fucking tool.
Let the record so reflect!
